If you're into BDSM, there's an infinite number of ways to incorporate sex toys into your kinky bedroom routine. You can totally use mainstream sex toys, like cock rings, and anal plugs. (Think: using a vibrator on your partner as you practice orgasm denial, or "punishing" your submissive partner by having them wear a butt plug out to dinner.) But then there are toys specifically designed for BDSM—an umbrella term that stands for Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, Sadism, and Masochism—which is what we're here to talk about today.
BDSM fans seeking a more intense sex session may way specific toys and devices to help set a scene involving Dominance, submission, bondage, pain, humiliation, role play, and/or other kinky activities. On this list, you'll find BDSM toys ranging from mainstream—or, as "mainstream" as a BDSM toy can get—to niche products for experienced kinksters. Cuffs (for restraining someone) and floggers (for impact play) are among the more common BDSM sex toys you'll find on this list, but you'll also explore some next-level items like anal hooks, metal claws, an electrostimulation wand, and an alien breeder dildo. Some of these sex toys aren't for the faint of heart, but they can be a whole lot of fun if used safely and correctly.
While BDSM and all the accessories that go along with it can seem a little intimidating to newbies, you'll be glad to know there are plenty of non-intimidating BDSM toys made specifically for beginners that can help you get started. If you're new to bondage, discipline, dominance, and submission, then we've got all the best tools for understanding which sensations and forms of play you’d like to explore more. Best of all, these beginner BDSM toys allow for enough creativity and versatility to carry you through to the waters of deep kink later on if you'd like.
As with any new hobby, affordability is a concern, which is why most of the items on here are relatively inexpensive, 'cause you don’t want to invest a ton into something that you might not be into. Likewise, we've got a range of toys and accessories for exploring different components of BDSM, from wax play to edge play to impact play.
What are sexy toys?
Sex toys, also called BDSM toys, are objects people use to have more pleasure during sex or masturbation. Sometimes sex toys can also have medical uses if you have a sexual dysfunction or medical condition. There are many different types of sex toys, and people use them for lots of different reasons.
It's totally normal to use sex toys, but it's also totally normal not to — it's a personal decision, and everyone's different. As long as you're using sex toys safely, there's nothing harmful about it.
Why do people use sex toys?
All kinds of people may choose to use sex toys, for many different reasons. For some, using sex toys is the easiest (or only) way they can have an orgasm — this is especially common for people with vulvas. Sometimes people use sex toys to help them masturbate. People also use sex toys during sex with their partners.
For transgender, non-binary, or gender nonconforming people, certain sex toys may help affirm their gender identity or help relieve gender dysphoria.
Some people with disabilities or limited mobility use sex toys to make it easier to masturbate, have sex, or do sexual activities or positions that would otherwise be harder or not possible for them.
Sex toys can also help treat the symptoms of certain disorders, like erectile dysfunction, genital arousal disorder, hypo-active sexual disorder, and orgasm disorder. And some people find that sex toys help them deal with the sexual side effects of certain medications, health conditions, or menopause — like a low sex drive or decreased sensation in their genitals.
Top Toys for BDSM Play
1--Restraints. From ankle and wrist straps to collars and rope, being retrained is part of many a BDSM play scene. Nice, broad, well fitting straps are best for comfort and long scenes. They will minimize the need to adjust during play, which can be a distraction! Rope should be used only if you know how to tie them correctly and you are aware of the Safety issues involved. Rope knots should never press on tendons or ligaments, and your sub should not end up with a huge knot pressing into their back when led down. See the earlier post we did showing the correct way to tie the wrist. We will be doing more bondage tutorials, so call back again for them. Collars should fit well. Your sub should never be left alone if the collar is tethered to anything. They are fun to attach a lead to when moving your sub around.
2--Gags. Not a toy for the beginner unless you have a particular fetish for them. I found it took me a while before being prepared to try them. You cannot speak with one in, so you do need another way to indicate should you need to be released for any reason. My Fulani gives me a small ball to drop, but we’ve also used hand signals in these play situations. You must be able to trust your dom to act immediately if you need to be released
3--Floggers. These vary in the width of each thong and they also vary by the texture of the materials they are constructed from. The best way to choose a flogger is to decide what kind of stimulation you want from it.
Thin rubber or thin, stiff leather ones will sting if used with any force. Softer leather or suede ones will ‘thud’ more and are really useful to ‘warm up’ the skin. Most reputable sellers will indicate on their websites what type you are buying, and are nearly always willing to advise you if you are not sure which ones to go for. If you can make it to a BDSM fair, sellers will allow you to try them on your own skin to ensure you get what you want.
4--Bondage tape. Bondage tape is a bit like parcel tape, except it only sticks to itself. A fun alternative to rope or cuffs, as long as all you want is wrists or ankles tied together. Unlike rope, you can’t then attach the tape to something to hold your sub down.
Bondage tape is quicker to apply than rope and can give your BDSM scene more of a kidnapper/victim or consensual non-consent (CNC) vibe if that’s your kink.
5--Crops. These are very easily obtained from any riding shop, but check out the crop before you buy. They do vary in stiffness and width, and this will affect the sensation on the skin. The stiffer they are, and the smaller the tress or ‘tongue’ at the end, the more they are likely to sting!
6--Canes. The thinner these are the more they will sting and the more chance they have of breaking the skin, so new doms beware and practise before doing any serious play with your partner. Thicker ones, again, will be more ‘thuddy’ but when delivered hard will make your sub howl. Once your sub is blindfolded, Fulani tells me it’s great fun scaring their sub by ‘swishing’ them in the air really hard, but not actually hitting them this hard.
7--Nipple clamps. These vary from the howlingly painful (which your sub may or may not appreciate) to fairly stimulating. Some are made like clothes pegs, with a spring to close them. Others screw up so are more adjustable. I would go for these if you’re unsure how much stimulation your sub’s nipples can take. The idea is to leave them on for a while (from a couple of minutes to about twenty in my case) but beware! The longer your sub has them on, the more noise they are likely to make when you remove them, as this allows a blood rush back into the nipples and this obviously can be quite painful. I like this, but if you are new, experiment to find out what you like!
8--Paddles. These are flat, paddle like spanking toys that can sting quite a lot. They aren’t one of my favourite toys, but they may be one of yours. Again, they will vary in intensity depending on what they are made of and how wide the paddle is. Softer suede will be less intense than a wide, stiff leather one. Try before you buy or choose from item descriptions on the website you’re looking at. Studded ones are going to hurt more than flat ones!
9--Padded blindfold. A more robust blindfold than item 6. It has depressions for eye sockets and is thicker, making it comfier to wear. The strap is also thicker and adjustable to fit any head size.
Blindfolds are useful for sensory depravation play, and building a sense of anticipation.
They tend to fall off during sex, and you can often see under them in a lying position by staring down your nose. Therefore, a blindfold is best worn when your sub is upright, such as kneeling for you.
10--Your brain. Last but not least, the best BDSM toy, and it’s free. Your brain is the best toy you have. Imagination can build intense anticipation, fear, excitement or whatever else you want out of a play session. Use email to tease each other before the play event. Talk to your sub once they are blindfolded (another useful accessory) and tell them what you’re going to do to them. Tease them with scary stories. It all depends on what you and your sub want out of a play session. I remember once turning up for a play session and Fulani quite innocently showing me his new chef’s kitchen knife. We had a meal then decided to play. When I felt cold metal on my skin and realised it was a knife I was truly scared (which is a turn on for me in this situation). My brain told me it was that huge, sharp new carving knife. We had a great session. Later, once the blindfold came off, I realised the scary huge knife was actually a little blunt one Fulani uses to tease subs! My brain had done the rest very well. Trust is vital when playing, and again something only you, your partner and your brains can develop. And that depends on communication. So talk lots, agree a safe word or way of letting your dom know you’ve had enough and talk again after a session, especially if either of you felt uncomfortable about anything.
Where can I buy BDSM sex toys?
You can buy sex toys at specialty stores, usually called sex shops, sex stores, or adult stores. Depending on the policy of the store, you may have to be over a certain age (like 16 or 18) to shop there. Some pharmacies, drug stores, or large retail stores sell a small variety of the more common sex toys, like vibrators.
Many sex stores and sex toy brands have websites where you can buy products online (they usually mail them in plain packaging for privacy). To make sure your sex toy is really the brand and material you think it is, it’s best to buy from trusted stores or websites that have detailed information about their products.
Some sex stores are specially geared towards certain customers, like women or the LGBTQ community. Feminist and some LGBTQ-centered sex stores often have a large variety of products for people of all gender identities and sexual orientations, and staff who provide a more comfortable, affirming, and knowledgeable experience for women, femmes, and LGBTQ people.
Not sure what beginner BDSM toys are right for you? Test out a variety with the help of a beginner bondage kit, like this option from Adam & Eve. It includes a pair of ankle cuffs, a pair of wrist cuffs, a paddle, and a blindfold, so you can try your hand at restraint play, sensory deprivation, spanking, and other fun fantasies.
