A step-by-step Bondage guide for beginners

If you and your partner are looking to experiment in your sex life, you might want to try kinky forms of sex like BDSM. Among the most popular forms of BDSM is bondage play.

What is bondage?

Bondage sex is a form of BDSM where one person ties up their partner in a sex position. The process can be as simple or intricate as the couple desires. Some bondage positions are variations of doggy-style or missionary, while others are more athletic and require special bondage equipment.

Types of bondage

With all that in mind, you should be able to put together a collection that works well, looks good, is safe to play with, and will last for many sessions to come.

For the purposes of inspiration, here are a few things you might wish to include in that collection…

• Wrist restraints

The most ubiquitous kind of wrist restraint is the classic leather cuff. These generally fasten with a buckle, and come with a D-ring to which you can attach trigger clips and chains to facilitate actual restraint.

Also in this category, though, you’ll find police-style handcuffs and a range of other specialist restraints.

By the way, none of the above wrist cuffs are suitable for stringing someone up by the wrists. For those you’ll want suspension cuffs (if you didn’t know that already, by the way, you should do a lot more research before attempting any kind of suspension).

• Ankle restraints

Ankle cuffs are basically the same as wrist cuffs, but bigger and thicker to accommodate ankles rather than slender wee wrists. As with wrist cuffs, there are several options.

Metal ankle cuffs, by the way, do exist. They’re just not included here because they’re so massively uncomfortable that almost nobody likes playing with them.

• Thigh cuffs

Solo cuffs for the thighs generally won’t stay in place very well… unless combined with something to keep them in situ. For that reason thigh restraints are often bundled with something else.

• Thumb cuffs

Thumb cuffs are metal implements which lock around the wearer’s thumbs, holding them in place. They’re often sold as a novelty rather than as a serious bondage tool, but there are decent thumb cuffs available.

Bondara sell an interesting variation on standard thumb cuffs which incorporates them into a set of strict wrist cuffs.

• Rope

Many people are discouraged from trying rope bondage because of the misty-eyed, Jedi-master aura assigned to it by the kink community in general. Actually, rope bondage is pretty simple. You can teach yourself some quick, easy, safe knots to use in the bedroom in about 20 minutes. Here’s a good resource for that.

For basic rope stuff (IE: not suspension, not complex ties) it hardly matters what rope you use. Most kinds of cotton or hemp rope are fine for this purpose. Most synthetic ropes are too, but may not be as comfortable or easy to work with. It’s completely legit to buy bondage rope from your local hardware store – it’s cheap and you can get an idea of texture and elasticity before you buy.

While you’re shopping, pick up some safety shears. These are way better than scissors for cutting rope that’s been pulled too tight.

And, if you don’t want to learn any knots but still want to play with rope, you can get pre-made rope toys like these, which require no knot-tying knowledge whatsoever.

• Collars

Collars go around the neck. BDSM folk put a lot of meaning in collars, but they are also valid just as toys for bondage play. For these purposes, a basic dog collar works just fine, but you can also get a range of other purpose-made bondage collars.

• Hogties

Hogties are cross-shaped assemblages of leather and metal designed to allow you to restrain someone in the hogtie position. Some come with cuffs, like this one, while others have to be combined with wrist and ankle cuffs to get the full effect.

There’s very little to say about there, except that they’re useful for hogtying someone. You can absolutely hogtie someone without one, but using a hogtie makes it more comfortable for the person being tied, and doesn’t require as much flexibility from them.

• Collar-to-wrist cuffs

These bondage toys are available in a range of formats, but the most common one consists of a collar connected to a set of cuffs by a long strap… which may have some attachment points on too.

They’re pretty fun… although it should be noted that they’re very much a unitask item. You can achieve the same result by purchasing some cuffs, a collar, some trigger clips and a chain… creating a kit that can be used in multiple configurations, not just one.

• Positional restraints

Toys like these are often sold as restraints, but that’s pushing the description. They’re wearable items that do inhibit movement a little bit, but mainly serve to make some sex positions more comfortable. If that’s what you’re looking for, go for it. If you want restraints, you’d be better off purchasing a collar, cuffs, and various lengths of chain and trigger clips to assemble your own.

• Harnesses

Harnesses like these don’t do much restraining by themselves, but are very aesthetically pleasing. The point of these, from a bondage perspective, is to create a network of attachment points all over the body, to which cuffs, chains, ropes and other fun things can be fastened.

• Spreader bars

A spreader bar is a rigid bar with an attachment point on either end. Placed between the legs (and fastened to ankle cuffs) it keeps the wearer’s legs open in a way that’s generally very pleasing.

Under the spreader bar banner you also have restraints like this – which use a strap rather than a rigid bar. As such, they don’t really do much spreading, but instead work as restraints. Maybe that’s what you’re after – but don’t confuse them with a rigid spreader bar.

• Under-bed/over-door restraints

These restraints work with your furniture to allow for some fun bondage options. Under-the-bed restraints are generally long straps that run under your bed, and – combined with cuffs – allow you to restrain someone in a spreadeagle position.

Over-the-door restraints go over the top of a door, and are pinned in place when the door is closed. You can then use to them to restrain someone with their hands above their head. They’re usually not suitable for bearing someone’s full bodyweight, though – for that you’d need a much better attachment point, and more comfortable and supportive wrist cuffs.

• Zip ties

Zip ties can be used as wrist restraints, or to attach someone to something. For bondage, you want wide zip-ties- both to prevent cutting off circulation and to make them harder to break. If you can get reuseable ones, all the better-as this mitigates the risk of going too tight.

Safety shears are, again, very useful here. They make it possible to cut off tightened zip ties with minimal risk of cutting the person they’re attached to.

• Bondage tape

Bondage tape is specially designed for bondage – it sticks only to itself, and so won’t hurt the person being bound when it’s ripped off. If the person being bound is into pain, though, you can just as well use duct tape… although you should be cautious when removing it. That stuff is stickier than you think.

How to make bondage restraints

When it comes to bondage, restraint is key. Tying up your submissive to prevent them using certain limbs or stop their whole body from moving, rendering them completely helpless and putting them at the mercy of your desires.

The basis of any good bondage is a set of cuffs to tie your submissives’ wrists and ankles together. Just tying their hands behind their back can change your submissives’ perspective completely and plant them firmly in the head space for a BDSM scene.

This howto guide will show you how to make your own quick and easy restraints from very cheap materials. Although basic, they are surprisingly effective and comfortable long periods.

Materials Required

• Double sided Velcro tie, 50cm minimum.
• Rectangular belt loop, same width as Velcro tape. Metal or plastic, 1 per restraint.

For wrist restraints, first cut your Velcro tie to a length of about 50cm. You may get by with shorter, but it’s better to start longer and trim it down at the end. Next thread the two ends through the rectangular belt loop, ensuring the softer side of the Velcro is facing inwards This forms the first hole to wrap around one wrist.

Finally stick the two Velcro ends together to form the second hole for the other wrist. And that’s it!

In use, un-stick the two ends of the Velcro, thread one wrist into the first hole, slide the rectangular belt loop along to tighten it around the wrist. Then wrap the two ends around the second wrist, pull taught and stick them together to make a second tight hole around the wrist.

As with any restraints, care for your submissives’ circulation, you should be able to just squeeze your little pinky finger between the restraint and the wrist. Additionally, throughout the scene do repeatedly re-check circulation to be safe, your submissive may not notice the numbness of losing circulation in the heat of the scene.

Variations for Ankle and Thigh Restraints

Ankle cuffs can be constructed in exactly the same way, just a longer length of Velcro tie. However, the fun doesn’t stop there, you can make longer restraints to tie wrists to thighs, thighs to thighs or tying limbs to your bed frame. Your imagination is the limit.

The Velcro tie is a great material to work with, it’s soft on one side, very strong when pulled laterally, cheap and very importantly, it won’t get tighter as your submissive wiggles causing circulation issues.

Bondage Sex Positions

Couples have no shortage of sex positions to choose from when exploring bondage.

1. Spooning bondage: In the spooning bondage position, also known as the rag doll position, the little spoon partner's arms are bound in front of them. The spooned partner can be blindfolded for added kink.
2. Handcuffed to the bed: This form of bondage involves shackling someone to a bed—often a headboard—with rope or handcuffs. Bed bondage can accomodate different positions, most of which are good for foreplay or stimulation with a vibrator.
3. Hogtie: The hogtie involves tying both wrists and both ankles together at a single point.
4. Ball tie: In a standard ball tie, the submissive partner is bound in the fetal position with their arms and knees tucked into their chest. A ball gag may be placed in their mouth.
5. Frogtie: In this rope bondage position, the submissive partner's ankles are tied to their thighs. Their arms are typically tied behind their back, often in a reverse prayer position. When vulva owners are frogtied, the position provides easy access to their clitoris for oral sex.
6. Cowgirl: In this bondage position, the submissive partner is bound in a spread-eagle position while the dominant partner performs the cowgirl or reverse cowgirl position on top of them.
7. Chair bondage: This type of bondage involves tying a submissive's body parts to a high-back chair. Their legs get shackled to the chair legs while their arms are generally tied behind the chair's back. This allows the dominant to ride them or perform oral sex.
8. Standing bondage: While standing, the submissive partner’s arms are bound behind their upper body—often tied to a wall or a ceiling—and their legs are spread with a spreader bar connecting their ankles to shackles. This position enables the dominant to approach them from behind for penetration with a penis or dildo.
9. Rear-entry bondage: A simpler form of standing bondage, this position involves one partner bent over with their wrists tied to their ankles. Their legs can be spread with a spreader bar if desired. This positioning makes it easy for the dominant partner to spank, penetrate, or perform oral sex on the submissive partner from behind.
10. Shibari: Shibari, which translates to "decorative tying," is a form of rope bondage that originated in Japan and dates back to the seventeenth-century Edo period. Shibari involves rope made from jute or hemp and is considered an aesthetically pleasing form of BDSM.

Things to consider when buying restraints

Among your secondary concerns should be some of the following…

Quality

Super-cheap restraints are available on platforms like Amazon and AliExpress, but these generally aren’t as good a deal as they seem. Suspiciously cheap bondage gear is often:

• Poorly made
• Made from toxic materials
• Not as described or pictured
• Ill-fitting

You’ll save time, money and energy by purchasing from reputable retailers.

Severity

Do you and your partner want strict restraints that absolutely cannot be escaped from? The really hardcore stainless steel stuff looks sexy, but for a lot of people it’s actually too unyielding to be enjoyable.

Many people only feel comfortable exploring bondage with restraints that they can slip out of if necessary, or with restraints that are somewhat flexible and forgiving. Strict restraints aren’t always fun; don’t waste money on them if you and your partner won’t enjoy playing with them.

Comfort

Do you want restraints to be comfortable for the person wearing them? For some masochists, the answer is a definite no – the discomfort caused by restraints is part of the fun of bondage.

For other people, however, comfort matters – especially if the restraints are to be worn for extended sessions. If that’s you, err towards padded or fur-lined restraints made from flexible materials like leather and silicone.

Ease of cleaning

If your restraints are just for you, you won’t need to totally sanitise them between uses, and so can opt for restraints that are difficult to fully clean.

If you’ll be sharing your restraints with other people, however, you’ll want to pick gear that’s more hard-wearing and wipeable. Stainless steel restraints can be sanitised, making them safe and pleasant for sharing. Fluffy handcuffs, by contrast, cannot.

Colour scheme

Even if you’re just buying one or two pieces of bondage gear right now, it’s worth looking to see if there are matching items available – you may want to expand your collection later. A matching set of cuffs and collars is more pleasing than a set that’s been pulled together hodge-podge.