After the youthful comedic success of Sex Education, we could notice that there are actually quite a lot of series sharing similar topics and themes. What has drawn my attention is a series about BDSM titled Bonding.
In a landscape where BDSM-themed shows are rare, this series, resembling a collection of skits, takes a quick and concise approach. Currently in its second season, each season comprises a mere 7 episodes, each lasting less than 20 minutes.
Binding comes with the label of many adult themes, delving into the BDSM community and catering to aficionados of niche interests, opening the eyes of viewers to the world of BDSM at its core. However, the show doesn't trivialize or sensationalize these labels with a colored lens; it maintains its clear core values.
As one of the rare BDSM-themed productions, unlike Fifty Shades of Grey and other similar movies or series, you can often find more practical knowledge about BDSM techniques in Bonding.
The BDSM culture has grown, with an increasing number of people having this particular fetish demand. Where there's demand, there's a market. Specialized clubs and professional dominatrixes have even emerged.
The main character, Tiff, is a psychology graduate student. In school, she's a diligent student of psychology, but in real life, she's a seasoned dominatrix, specializing in the role of a professional dominatrix.
The male character, Pete, is Tiff's long-time friend and also a gay man. Pete works as Tiff's assistant to make money to cover his rent, unknowingly opening the door to a whole new world of BDSM.
Unlike the progressive dynamics in Love and Leash, the main character in this series are more hardcore. When the identity of the sadist becomes a profession, a group of diverse subs becomes TJ's little "pets".
The BDSM industry is hidden in an underground world, its workplaces are called "dungeons," and most people work at night. The show articulates society's rejection and expulsion of BDSM through Tiff's changing professional environment and her self-acceptance of her profession.
The initial episodes mainly showcase various sensational scenes, giving viewers a rough glimpse into the seemingly mysterious world of the BDSM community. For instance, one client's request is for Pete to urinate on his face to achieve the satisfaction.
Some of the plays help Pete overcome his fears, in this process, Pete also redefines himself, thoroughly start to enjoy the state of inflicting pain.
Pete's landlord is a straight guy, but he enjoys the sensation of fingers touching his prostate, but his wife doesn't share his fetish. She can only turn to Pete for help. After fulfill landlord's fantasy, Pete get to waive a month's rent.
Speaking of male's orgasms, ejaculation is not a only way to achieve. Moreover, in many heterosexual couples, anal sex is pretty uncommon. The prostate, as a unique male body part, can provide a different kind of orgasmic pleasure, irrespective of sexual orientation. It's pretty much like the female G-spot, it's a delicate experience.
All fetishes are reflections of the mind, and understanding psychology can help you face yourself. In Bonding, many conversations, disguised in humorous attire, provide insight and punctually articulate the very essence of some plays.
"Blow Job is like the Airbnb of sex, it's fun, temporary stay. As long as you clean up after yourself. But anal is straight up like home-owning, you're paying a mortgage, you're landscaping, you're constantly fixing pipes. The mess is your mess."
Similarly, the perspectives on masculinity in the series are also intriguing.
"Masculinity is inherently constricting; men come to me to escape this crippling societal prison. Once the sexual patriarchy dies, then all genders will be equal. Everyone thinks dom work is just about sex work. It's really just liberation from shame."
Unlike Sex Education, which primarily focuses on sexual relationships in high school. Bonding transitions from campus life to adult world sexual relationships. Starting from the game, ultimately returning to love and self-discovery.
BDSM can also be a positive psychological therapy. So, what kind of plays will you use tonight for a positive psychological therapy? Your can comment below to share.
Step into the world of sensual exploration with UPKO's latest collection—a tantalizing blend of sophistication, pleasure, and strategic design. Inspired by the timeless game of chess, each piece in this collection serves as a gateway to a world where passion meets intellect.
There are 4 pieces in the collection and each of which is representing a character in the chess. The weighty rules and order of chess, the intellectual severity, the ever-shifting power play, very much resembles the intimate relationship between skilled players.
In the game, it's evenly matched, who will ultimately dominate remains unknown. Experience the tug-of-war between attack and defense, gradually eroding the opponent's defenses until achieving absolute conquest.
In the bedroom, controlling your partner with the gentlest means, shattering their rationality, listening to their trembling and moaning beneath you. It’s the game, and it’s the most intimate game.
Compared to regular plugs, the 「King」 Butt Plug carries more weight and ceremony. With the complete representation of a king chess piece at its head, it exudes dignity and grandeur. The integrated design of the crown atop the plug, visible even when fully inserted, adds a touch of shame and contrast, akin to an imprint of the Dominant's authority.
The 253g zinc alloy plug demands a firm grip to prevent slipping, turning every minute of wear into an exercise for the pelvic floor muscles. The female body, with its magical allure, can turn gentle ripples into surging waves and unleash ecstatic pleasure, captivating anyone fortunate enough to witness.
Inspired by the queen chess piece, the 「Queen」Premium Metal Pleasure Balls features a refined design resembling the crown. Connected by a food-grade silicone string, two substantial metal balls can be used individually or together, creating a "weighty bomb" that ignites deep sensations.
As the metal balls slide and collide internally, they continually stimulate the player, prompting involuntary contractions and tightening. This not only enhances sensitivity but also exercises deep pelvic floor muscles, achieving a sense of tightness and strength.
Possibly the most exquisite and compact vibrator wand you'll ever own. It's astonishing how such a slender body can encapsulate such powerful energy, with nearly an hour of battery life, six different vibration modes, and ultra-silent noise reduction.
The advantage of the metal wand lies in its intense and direct vibrations, without any buffering or attenuation, sharply unfolding across the body. It acts like a wand for the Dominant, providing effortless control—treating it like a magic wand, Little M becomes easy to manage.
The vibrator wand is ideal for beginners exploring anal play.
The first step in anal exploration for beginners involves using the vibrator wand, entering without feeling any foreign sensation. The sweeping vibrations awaken every corner of the body, ensuring the initial experience is free of pain and discomfort, inviting you to accept it without reservations, craving for more.
Inspired by the knight in chess, the Knight Urethral Sound features a tapered design, simulating a knight's lance. Swallowing the shaft, it visually conveys a sense of wrapping when worn, embarking on a journey alongside "Little Knight," presenting a three-dimensional fullness and masculinity.
The urethral sound comes with two replaceable lengths—5cm for a pressure-free trial and 10cm for safety and control. Both lengths are beginner-friendly, making the experience more accessible and successful. Insertion is painless with proper hygiene, enabling a confident exploration.
The shaft has wave-like protrusions, providing a clear sense of every inch entering the body. Advancing towards the forbidden zone increases the sensation of entry and exit.
So, what is your favorite piece in this collection?
eroFame is a leading global B2B trade show in the adult products industry with a history of over 10 years. It consistently attracts over 200 erotic brands all over the world.
This event, which typically spans three days, commenced on October 11th 2023 in Hanover, Germany. Participating brands showcase a wide range of products, including adult toys, erotic accessories, and other related items.
As the annual meeting place for the global adult products industry, each brand strives to exhibit its latest products and innovative designs. For the first time, UPKO, a Chinese brand, made its debut at eroFame, marking a significant milestone for UPKO's overseas market.
Let's take a look back at this exciting event.
For UPKO's first-ever participation, the booth was intricately designed, incorporating elements from the East. The most eye-catching feature was the vivid red dragon on the backdrop, it's from a collaboration with a renowned illustrator who skillfully integrated UPKO's classic products into the artwork.
The intertwining of the dragon and human symbolizes a unique fusion of Eastern aesthetics and tension, raising questions of subjugation or symbiosis.
UPKO prominently displayed its flagship cabinet series at the entrance and set up an experiential area for its bondage product line, allowing attendees to personally experience the convenience and fun of the bondage collection.
Genuine leather accessories and BDSM tools hung on the wall, allowing attendees to get up close and feel the quality of UPKO's products.
One product, not yet available on the market and exclusively showcased offline, is UPKO's self-designed and developed Sex Machine. Inspired by medieval aerospace fantasies, this product features a silver metallic exterior that blends futuristic and retro-tech aesthetics. The combination of this design with its functionality provides a unique and enchanting visual and sensory experience beyond imagination.
Take a look at more photos of UPKO's booth from the grand event:
In the world of BDSM, there's a fascinating subculture centered around latex and leather. In the TV series American Horror Story, latex and leather elements often feature prominently. The unexpected but intriguing connection between BDSM and horror might be due to the uncontrollable and thrilling nature of BDSM activities, making them alluring additions to horror narratives.
Today, I would like to walk you through few of the epoxides from American Horror Story that are addressed deeply on BDSM. If you are also interested in something to kill time or simply curious how the BDSM culture be brought to the bigger scene, please keep on reading.
Since its debut in 2011, American Horror Story has become one of the most popular shows under the Fox. What sets American Horror Story apart is that its horror isn't crafted out of thin air; instead, it draws inspiration from a plethora of real-world terrifying events. The first season, centered around the Murder House, was based on the real-life story of the infamous 112 Ocean Avenue in New York, the site of a well-known murder-suicide case that has inspired numerous horror films and shows.
But the question of whether it's truly a haunted house or if the people involved had ulterior motives remains one of the biggest mysteries in American history. It's a debate that continues to this day: Was it genuine supernatural phenomena or the result of malicious intent?
In the 1st season's "Murder House", the show combined these real-life events with BDSM elements. The latex and leather elements were particularly evident in the season's promotional materials, with its striking red background and latex-clad figures. Characters with strong BDSM undertones often appeared as the most dangerous and mysterious, embodying themes of sensuality, desire, and elusiveness.
The character known as the "Rubber Man" symbolizes the sin of lust from the seven deadly sins, and the female lead gave birth to a demonic child with this enigmatic figure.
The 3rd season, “Coven”, drew inspiration from the real-life Salem witch trials of 1692 in American history.
The 4th season, "Freak Show", is set in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, capturing the fascination with freak shows that swept through America during that era.
The 6th season, "Roanoke", is presented as a documentary-style interview program called “My Roanoke Nightmare.”
The 7th season, “Cult”, explores the theme of cults and religious extremism.
The 8th season, "Apocalypse", expands the story to a global scale, with the core element being the apocalypse, a concept derived from the Bible and closely tied to religious themes. The apocalyptic scenario in American Horror Story results from nuclear devastation, depicting a post-apocalyptic world.
In recent years, the demand for bunkers and shelters among global elites has been rapidly increasing. These are not fictional; they are real-world preparations for various apocalyptic scenarios.
The 8th season's story revolves around the survivors who hold the fate of humanity in their hands within these shelters. The shelters have strict class divisions, with purple representing the "elite class," gray representing the "labor class," and the management class dressed in black, wielding the power to make life-or-death decisions and enforce strict rules, including "unauthorized sexual activities." Punishments for rule violations involve whipping, but it's noticed that some rule-breakers surprisingly seem to enjoy the punishment.
Out of all the seasons, the 11th season, "American Horror Story: NYC", features the strongest BDSM elements. Unlike previous seasons that left viewers deeply disturbed, this season doesn't have the usual supernatural horror elements or monstrous symbolism. Instead, it focuses on the LGBTQ+ community and the spread of a deadly disease.
The main elements of "American Horror Story: NYC" are leather play, with the teaser trailers showcasing intense leather looks.
The central narrative is set in New York City during the 1980s, offering a glimpse into the texture of that era. The background music and bar performances are incredibly well done. Every night in New York City, a figure clads in leather uniform, with exposed muscular arms and a dominating presence, resembling a Dom, appears. Like an executioner in the dark, his arrival signifies impending death.
"American Horror Story" Season 11 centers around Isaac Powell's character, Theo, based on the renowned photographer Robert Mapplethorpe. In the late '70s, he became increasingly interested in the S&M scene in New York City. His exploration of BDSM subculture through his works, which were both shocking and boundary-pushing in terms of content and photographic techniques, sparked significant controversy about the boundaries of art at the time. It even led to a heated debate known as the "Culture Wars."
In 1986, he was diagnosed with AIDS, knowing he had limited time left. Despite this, he continued to immerse himself in artistic creation. On March 9, 1989, at the young age of 42, Mapplethorpe passed away in Boston. His legendary and passionate life came to an end, leaving a lasting impact.
Of all these real-life themes and BDSM elements been discussed in American Horror Story, are you already finding this TV series incredibly intriguing? If you're a BDSM enthusiast yourself or simply curious about it, feel free to subscribe to our newsletter. We regularly share informative content and practical product recommendations. If you have any questions about UPKO's products, don't hesitate to leave a comment below or send us an email for inquiries.
Get ready to dive into a world of desire and having a soul&body connection like never before. In this tantalizing gift guide, we're about to reveal a carefully curated selection of BDSM play sets that will spice up your intimate moments.
Whether you're about to surprise your partner or treat yourself, these gifts are bound to ignite your passions and leave you craving for more. So, let's unwrap desire and embark on a journey through pleasure unlike any other. Your adventure begins now.
A sensually crafted collection designed to elevate your intimate encounters. This alluring ensemble is meticulously crafted from pure leather and high-quality metal components, ensuring both durability and an irresistible tactile experience.
All these pieces come elegantly packaged in a faux leather suitcase, making it a perfect addition to your personal collection or an unforgettable gift for someone special.
The erotic set includes all the basic BDSM bondage items for a kinky beginner: Leather Cosplay Choker&Leash, Handcuffs, Ankle cuffs, Leather Hogties, Leather paddle, and 2 Double-end metal clips.
It's where French romance intertwines with bold sensuality, creating an exquisite fusion of desire and beauty.
Picture this: delicate lace and intricate patterns harmoniously mingling with the robust texture of leather and the sensuous touch of silicone gel. The result? A mesmerizing concoction that's bound to captivate your senses like never before.
The exquisite gift packaging elevates the unboxing experience, making this series ideal for both personal indulgence and as an unforgettable gift.
It's time to play your own captivating drama.
a pinnacle of elegance and sensuality for those who demand the finest in pleasure and desire. This meticulously crafted kit is a symphony of 14 classic BDSM tools, each designed for versatility and bound to elevate your intimate experiences to new heights.
Inside, you'll find every tool handcrafted with precision from Italian cowhide. This dedication to quality not only ensures durability but also adds a sense of ritual to your passionate endeavors.
As one of the all time best sellers, you'll find out why as soon as you start unboxing.
An absolute masterpiece that encapsulates the very essence of our planet and pays tribute to the boundless Universe. Crafted from rare leather, precious metals, and exquisite gemstones sourced from Earth's treasures, this collection is nothing short of extraordinary.
This is an experience that redefines luxury and class, and you deserve nothing less. The whole collection is a labor of love from our master artisans, a harmonious blend of the ordered universe and the infinite eternity where boundaries blur into the endless blue cosmos.
UPKO's Black Label Collection is your gateway to a world of unparalleled luxury, a testament to the beauty of connection, and a celebration of the finest craftsmanship.
Well, this might not be the most essential one, but definitely the cutest one ever!
It's an absolute delightful surprise and an embodiment of playful affection that's bound to elevate your romantic gestures to a whole new level. This charming little bear isn't just cute and cuddly, it's a messenger of passion and desires.
What sets this bear apart is its flexible limb joints, capable of 360-degree movement, making it your perfect "action guide" for any playtime scenarios. You can even pair it with a range of optional UPKO items, from personalized chokers and handcuffs to pearl accessories and paddles, creating a truly unique and unforgettable gift set.
The world of BDSM is a realm where trust, desire, and exploration intertwine to create powerful and intimate connections. Our carefully curated BDSM Gifts Guide, featuring these 5 exceptional sets, provides you with the essential tools to embark on this journey of pleasure and discovery!
If you've ever been intrigued by the tantalizing world of BDSM or are already a seasoned explorer, this is a read you won't want to miss. We're about to uncover the ins and outs, the reasons why, and all the buzz surrounding this absolute must-have kit. So, buckle up and let's get started on this exhilarating journey!
Imagine having a treasure trove of meticulously curated BDSM essentials at your fingertips. We're talking about the crème de la crème of restraints, sensory delights, and tools that are designed to titillate your senses like never before.
The Luxury BDSM Trunk Kit isn't just a collection, it's an experience waiting to unfold.
When it comes to luxury BDSM, the UPKO Vertical Trunk Kit stands out from the crowd. Crafted with meticulous attention to detail, this kit offers a unique and unforgettable experience. Here's why you should consider adding it to your collection:
1. Unparalleled Quality: The UPKO Luxury BDSM Vertical Trunk Kit is made from the finest materials, ensuring durability and comfort during play. Each item is carefully selected to meet the highest standards of quality.
2. Variety of Options: This kit offers a wide range of BDSM essentials, allowing you to explore different sensations and experiences. From gentle teasing to intense impact play, the UPKO Vertical Trunk Kit has you covered.
3. Discreet and Elegant: The trunk itself is a work of art, designed to blend seamlessly with your home decor. It discreetly stores all your BDSM essentials, keeping them organized and easily accessible.
4. Expert Guidance: The UPKO Luxury BDSM Vertical Trunk Kit comes with a comprehensive guide that offers tips, techniques, and safety information. Whether you're a beginner or an experienced player, this guide will enhance your BDSM journey.
Now that you understand the allure of luxury BDSM and the unique features of the UPKO Vertical Trunk Kit, it's time to elevate your play to new heights. Don't settle for ordinary when you can indulge in the extraordinary. Experience the ultimate in luxury and sophistication with the UPKO Luxury BDSM Vertical Trunk Kit.
Ready to embark on this thrilling journey? Get your UPKO Luxury BDSM Vertical Trunk Kit today and unlock a world of pleasure like no other.
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A nipple clamp is a type of sex toy that is applied to a person's nipples to pinch them. Varieties of nipple clamp include clothes-pin-style, tweezer and clover. Nipple clamps are used to cause pain in the nipples as part of certain BDSM activities. They are also used to produce erotic stimulation as part of nipple play. In this context they are not primarily used to produce pain but rather to increase nipple sensation.Their use traps blood in the nipples, increasing the sensitivity of the nipple. The sexologist Carol Queen says that "clamps are also very useful for hands-free nipple play"
As the nipples are an erogenous zone, nipple clamps can be used to heighten sensation and may lead to orgasm.BDSM practices, such as the use of a safeword, are often employed when nipple clamps are used. Before the clamps are applied the nipples are typically stimulated manually or orally to prepare them. Pulling on the nipples to elongate them makes it easier to attach the clamps. Once the nipples are erect they are held taut and the "jaws" of the clamps are closed slowly, usually on the base of the nipples where they meet the areolae as this area is less sensitive than the tip. The technique for ensuring a firm grip on the nipples varies depending on their size. Small nipples are often clamped along with part of the areolae, while large nipples are sometimes clamped without first being erected.Subsequently the tension is increased, and this is often accompanied by additional manual or oral stimulation.
For safety reasons the length of time for which nipple clamps are worn is limited. Bruising and soreness can result if they are used for more than 10 minutes at a time. If the blood circulation to the nipple is cut for too long there is also a risk of damage to the tissue and nerves. Changes in skin colour can be used to determine the level of blood flow, which needs to be re-established regularly to prevent any permanent damage. When the clamps are removed the restricted blood flow rushes back into the nipples and releases oxytocin, a hormone associated with orgasm. This can make skin sensations more intense and pleasurable. The restriction and reintroduction of blood flow into the nipples can be painful, and this is used as part of some BDSM activities such as breast torture.
Nipple clamps are also be used in BDSM for predicament bondage. They can be connected to a secondary attachment point such as a hook on a wall or a piece or furniture so that the wearer is unable to move without pulling on their nipples. To avoid this they have to remain in a position which is uncomfortable or in which they can be tickled or tortured. Similarly nipple clamps can be attached to a leash allowing the wearer to be led by their clamps.
After the clamps are removed it is common to soothe the nipples with ice, lotion, or aloe.
Nipple clamps are one of those are one of those things that make a lot of people go “eeeeeeek!” and reflexively grab their chests at their mention.
No judgement – our nipples are one of the most delicate and sensitive areas of the body, and we’ve got to look out for them!
But, in reality, do nipple clamps hurt?
Well, for most people, they shouldn’t. Whilst nipple clamps aren’t a one-size- or one-intensity-fits-all affair, the goal of most nipple clamps is not to hurt you. Instead, most give you a pinching sensation that results in a dullness or numbness rather than pain.
Those feelings are actually a by-product of what nipple clamps are designed to do.
By pinching your nipples, they reduce blood flow to the area, which is what causes you to lose some of the sensation in your nips.
But the real magic happens when you take them off!
Once you release the grip of the clamps, blood rushes back toward your nipples, which makes them incredibly sensitive.
Every sensation is suddenly amplified, and every touch, lick and puff of air can feel multitudes more amazing.
If you’re someone who finds that nipple stimulation turns you on in other areas, nipple clamps are a way to turn the dial up to one hundred.
Tips for Making Sure Your Nipple Clamps Don’t Hurt
Here are some things to think about when trying out nipple clamps to ensure that you stay safe, comfortable and pain-free!
1. Don’t wear them too tight. This may seem like a no-brainer, but a common mistake people make when first using nipple clamps is to crank up the tightness too high. When we’re aroused, our pain tolerance can go up, and we can overdo things without realizing. If you’re in doubt, start looser and see how your body reacts.
2. Don’t wear them for too long. The tighter you have your nipple clamps, the less time they should stay on your nipples. You should check in on your nips after 15 minutes (or before) to see if they holding up okay. They may be a little pink, but any other colors like intense red, purple or blue mean that you should remove them immediately.
3. Use clamps with covered tips. Many nipple clamps have tips coated in soft silicone or rubber, which help protect the delicate skin of your nipples from being grazed or torn by the metal beneath. They also broaden the tips slightly, and more surface area means more of the pressure on your nipples is diffused, lessening the pinch.
4. Remove your clamps correctly. Tugging your nipple clamps off is a definite no-no, and can cause a lot of pain. When you’re ready to remove your clamps, loosen them completely before taking them off slowly. With super sensitive nipples, the key is to be as gentle as you can.
1. Choose the right nipple clamp for you.
There are many different types of nipple clamps out there, and if this is your first venture into nipple clamp land, I highly recommend getting adjustable ones. This way, you can make the pinching as light or intense as you want it.
Another important thing to note: not all nipple clamps are created equal! For example, bare metal clamps are a lot more intense than nipple clamps that have a silicone cover on the tip. Additionally, folks with more sensitive skin will want to make sure that the materials are nickel-free.
2. Warm up the area first.
Okay, so you know you want to use them, you have some in your hands — what's next? Prep the area! Similar to the genitals, it's essential to stimulate the nipples before pinching them with the clamps. You can touch the whole breast, suck on the nipples themselves, squeeze around a little bit and wait until you feel a bit aroused. Then, take a deep breath and close the clamps slowly, while breathing in. You can put them on yourself or ask your partner to do it for you.
3. Establish a safe word.
As with using any other sex toy, you need to be on the same page with your partner going in, but it's also important to keep those lines of communication open throughout. Tell your partner if the pressure is too little, too much, or just right. And when you're venturing into territory where pleasurable pain is involved, a safe word is necessary — this helps keep everyone safe and enthusiastic consent present at every turn.
4. When is the best time to take them off?
You can leave nipple clamps on for anywhere from 10 to 30 minutes, depending on how intense the pinching is. The best time to take them off during play is while the person wearing them is on the brink of an orgasm or during an orgasm. The blood will start rushing back to the nipples, and oxytocin will release — aka it'll feel even more intense.
5. Experiment with where you use them.
Nipple clamps are so versatile that they can be used during any part of a sexual or play experience, and some don't just have to be used on the nipples! For example, some tweezer-style nipple clamps double as great clitoral clamps.
Some nip owners are heart eyes for nipple clamps. Others, less so. Don’t get discouraged if the first time you use them is *shrug emoji* —sometimes cranking them looser or tighter makes all the difference.
Why Nipple Clamps Are the Most Underrated Sex Toys?
Just because you can't show them on Instagram doesn't mean you should be ignoring your nipples in other aspects of life.
Licking nipples, sucking nipples, pinching nipples, looking at nipples—everyone wants a slice of the nip action. And why not? Nipples are one of only a few prime, magical erogenous zones chock-full of delicious nerve endings that, when stimulated, can send you into a heated frenzy.
"Nipples on all bodies can be very sensitive, and just like all bodies are different, so are reactions to nipple stimulation.”
We've got sleeves and cock rings for penises and vibrators and dildos for vaginas and clitorises, so doesn't it make sense that there would be something for nipples as well? Enter the nipple clamp, probably the most underrated sex toy in the world.
If you've yet to consider the nipple clamp, just the name might conjure images of a dominatrix with a young man suspended on ropes, torturously using clamps to make him yelp in pain and pleasure—which can be hot! But it's not the sole use of the nipple clamp. In fact, using them can be and experience totally devoid of pain, where they only increase sensation. As objects, nipple clamps can even be beautiful, handcrafted works of art.
It's also a whole new world of sexual adventure that's surprisingly easy to get into, once you know the basics. For instance, there are a variety of different styles—some are adjustable, meaning you move a small clip up the clamp to enhance tightness, while some use a screw to adjust sensation. Even others are straightforward clamps, like a clothespin.
And while putting them on is hot, things only get more interesting from there. "It's when you take them off that the sensation peaks,” says someone. "By restricting blood flow and then releasing it, you get a sharp rush of pain and endorphins.”
"The clamps were mounted to the tabletop, and they held the fabric in place so that the seamstresses could focus on the delicate work of sewing kimonos or quilts without their work sliding all over the place”.
Historically, nipple clamps have been a tool to source pleasurable control. The first literary depiction of the nipple clamp was in 1790. Though his descriptions included a particularly intense form of sexual cruelty, the original use of nipple clamps were indeed intended to inflict sexual pain.
But don't worry: If you're not into the erotic pain, you don't have to use nipple clamps that way. "Nipple clamps are designed to squeeze the nipple and create an ongoing sensation of pressure, the pressure varies from light intensity to seriously intense. Adjustable clamps let you play with that pressure and adjust it for comfort and not so comfortable. They first create a pinching feeling and that fades to a dull ache.”
If you need more convincing that nipple clamps are worth exploring, there's also a biological reason you might be into them. Many researchers believe that humans are attracted to breasts because the shape and size can indicate a woman's fertility.
So why isn't the nipple clamp more popular? Someone tells us that just the term "nipple clamp” makes the entire concept a little more taboo than your average sex toy. "It's incredibly direct and unabashed—nothing like the vague sexual euphemisms we can get away with in casual conversation,” she says. "It's associated with pain, and many people are still uncomfortable (on the surface, at least) with the idea of there being any connections between pleasure and pain. It goes against our society's traditional ideas of what sexuality should feel like and involve, so people are hesitant to talk about it.”
But as attitudes around sexual exploration are loosening up and more people are choosing to open the door to new erotic adventures, nipple clamps should get their consideration. Because no matter your sexual orientation, identity, preferences, or even your political affiliation, there is one thing on this green earth that almost all of us can agree on: Nipples are awesome.
]]>What is bondage?
For as long as humans have had things to tie one another up with, they’ve indulged in bondage sex. But what makes for safe BDSM and just what exactly do you need to know about this ancient practice to give it a go?
What is bondage sex?
Bondage, by definition, means the act of tying up or restraining a sexual partner. While a mainstream mention of bondage is likely to get a giggle, fantasies of tie up and tease with your partners, or at least some form of restraint, are far more common than the most prudish would let on. A YouGov poll conducted in February 2016 found that more than 12 million Brits have been tied up during sex. Meanwhile, Penrith in Cumbria had the biggest per capita sales of BDSM equipment in the UK.
What’s more, bondage has been a fixture of erotic novels and art for centuries, from the Marquis De Sade’s Justine, through to the release of Fifty Shades of Grey which took the publishing world by storm in 2013. A mind-blowing 100 million copies of the Fifty Shades trilogy (dodgy writing aside) were sold worldwide allowing countless humans to indulge in sexual fantasies about BDSM that they might not otherwise have owned up to. Suddenly, S&M was everywhere. In fact, the movie made the moves so popular that sales of the spreader bar sex toy (which you strap someone into in order to separate the legs) sold out after Fifty Shades Darker hit cinemas with viewers enthrall to the particular erotic scene between Christian and Ana that inspired it.
But why is bondage sex so alluring? Well, it’s a combination of its psychological and physiological stimuli. Play-struggling against restraints can build an invigorating adrenaline rush, while being blindfolded heightens the senses in the rest of the body. Think of all the times you’ve closed your eyes during a massage, and how much it enables you to concentrate on the pleasurable and relaxing sensations more intensely. This is the same with safe BDSM. Think of it as a sexual extreme sport which is about intensifying yours and your partners’ pleasure.
BDSM, consent and safe words
Informed consent between individuals is known as SGC (Safe, Grounded, Consenting) RACK (Risk-aware Consensual Kink), or PRICK (Personal Responsibility, Informed Consensual Kink). While those can sound quite wordy, what they all convey is that all the individuals involved in safe bondage sex are aware that there may be some inherent risk in performing some BDSM activities but that the participants enter into the arrangement knowingly, while promising to act responsibly and consciously as they explore and play.
One of the most important things to do before starting play is to set a safe word. It could be anything from ‘olive’ to ‘toaster’ - it just has to be memorable enough to communicate to you and your partners that it’s time to take a break. People sometimes favour traffic light signals but they can be confusing as one person’s red isn’t always another person’s. Similarly, using the word ‘no’ doesn’t work in consensual BDSM play if, for example, you’re taking a slave role and part of the game is to be ‘forced’ consensually into doing things you are resisting.
It’s also really important to discuss what kinds of acts and things you think you’ll want to do before play starts, and conversely, what you absolutely wouldn’t enjoy doing. The most important thing at this stage is to ask as many questions for clarification purposes as possible. Unsure if wrists behind someone’s back would work if they’re on their knees as well as standing? Double-check! Don’t presume you automatically understand everyone’s preferences without some very literal and liberal double-checking. There can be this presumption that if you talk through everything someone might enjoy, it’ll take away from the novelty, but far better that you forgo a moment of surprise for a session of safety.
What’s more, while there are quite literally thousands of different variations of acts you can engage in within BDSM, you do need to know a little about some of the techniques used in order to experiment safely. For example, there is a technique to spanking. There are places on the body that you shouldn’t crop or whip. And there are certainly things that you shouldn’t use to tie up someone. So if you are planning to use equipment, be sure to read on for our expert advice on what to start with and how to use it.
What makes bondage so enticing? For some people the appeal of power is obviously enticing, especially if they lack control in their everyday lives. On the other hand, someone who often has to be in charge can relax by placing power in another person’s hands for the night. Plus, someone who is bound and blindfolded can get shivers while waiting for their partner to do whatever they choose. For many, it just feels much kinkier when compared to regular vanilla sex.
Bondage fantasies are common, and you’ve come to the right place if you’re ever had them! What bondage is good for is providing physical sensations, even pain, that can be either cathartic or erotically pleasurable or both.
Bondage can also be scary for you, but you can try some elements without making it a lifestyle or engaging in extreme bondage. It’s all about what you’re comfortable with, which means you should only engage in these scenarios with someone whom you trust.
Here are a few common items you can use when enjoying a little bondage with your partner.
These are just a few of the implements that you’ll come across when shopping for bondage gear. Rest assured that you don’t need a secret dungeon to enjoy bondage, even though some of the items on this list are pretty extreme…and expensive!
Add a couple items to your toy box, and you’re good to go. We especially like under-the-bed style restraints, which turn any bed into a bondage platform.
Bondage tape and furry cuffs also make great starting points. Many sex toy retailers also offer beginner bondage kits that will help you and your partner ease your way into a new world that can be quite nerve wracking. Don’t worry, though, because it can also be quite titillating!
What About Some DIY Bondage?
You can empty your nest egg quickly if you go on a shopping spree for all things leather and stainless steel. Fortunately, savvy bondage practitioners have come up with some cost-effective ways to get your rocks off.
Bondage and Safety
Safety is of utmost importance when it comes to bondage. It’s important to remember safety when restraining senses such as hearing, which is so important to communication. For example, you won’t be able to let your partner know if you need to stop or slow down when you’re wearing any sort of a gag. For this reason, many kinksters have developed methods of alert when words aren’t an option.
Two popular options include tapping the bed or surface that you’re on and dropping a ball to indicate distress.
This isn’t the only element of safety that one has to consider when it comes to bondage. While you might be turned on by the risks that bondage presents, you can also do a lot of damage to yourself or your partner if you do it wrong. In rare cases, people have died as a result of their bondage. Here are a couple of safety tips to consider:
The last point touches on just how important trust and communication is when it comes to bondage. When you’re tied up, your partner has the potential to do real harm. If they ignore your safe word, bind you without your permission or push your limits, you could face real psychological and physical harm. Take it slow, especially when you’re a beginner. For both partners, these new experiences can be overwhelming.
It’s a good idea to plan out your bondage scene beforehand and discuss it afterward. For intense scenes, the bottom or submissive, may need special attention in the form of hydration, cuddles and gentle talking. This is commonly referred to as “after care” by those within the BDSM scene.
Bondage As a Lifestyle?
So far, we’ve talked about bondage as being part of your sex life. Indeed, it can be, and it can bring your sex to another level whether you’re single or committed. But elements of bondage and BDSM are a lifestyle to some people, and they don’t just exist inside the bedroom. For these couples, the roles of top or Dominant and bottom or submissive never end. These situations typically involve service and protocol, which you can incorporate into the bedroom but certainly don’t have to. Perhaps just making sex a little more exciting is your goal…if that’s the case, then these intense sex ideas should help.
For people who live bondage or BDSM as a lifestyle, the drive to always submit or be in control may be connected to their identity and the way they experience the world. In some instances, the desire to try or live bondage can be a deal-breaker when it comes to relationships. For example, a woman who realizes she is submissive may ask her partner to go along with her desires, but if he doesn’t actually have dominant traits, neither of them will really get what they want. (more tips on being a submissive here)
One of the advantages of bedroom bondage, as it’s sometimes called, is the ability to try out both roles. One or both of you could like taking control, and the opposite might also be true. In BDSM culture, people who play both roles are known as switches, but in the bedroom you and your partner might simply be comfortable being the top or bottom at different times. What bondage is to the next couple might be different from what it is for you and your partner.
Something about Lesbian Bondage
When we talked about how to have lesbian sex for the first time, we told you we’d keep it simple and vanilla. But it can be tons of fun to make things a little kinkier, which is why we’ve declared that February is Bondage Month on Autostraddle!
You already know how to have sex even if you haven’t, but bondage and S&M require a more deliberate learning curve. You aren’t going to be an expert the first time you spank someone, but you probably won’t be terrible at it, and it’s also easy to focus too much on the specifics — to pay attention to the rope, instead of the person you’re tying up. That said, it’s also a lot easier to pay attention to the person you’re tying up if you don’t have to watch a how-to video on repeat while you do it.
One of the best ways to find out what you might like is by reading about it/watching it. There are many excellent books of bondage erotica, and several excellent books of lesbian bondage erotica. Read them to explore what turns you on.
Lots and Lots of Other Things
It might turn out that what most turns you on with bondage is the element of being in control or being controlled, so don’t be afraid to play with that.
You also might not want to buy leather wrist restraints the first time you want to tie someone up, but you probably own scarfs, ties, belts, or pantyhose, and those can do the trick (and can also work as blindfolds). You almost certainly own ice cubes. Or lotion that would work as massage lotion. Or soft and smooth or coarse-textured clothing to trail down someone’s skin. And, use your hands! Hands are fun, and you are gay, it’s what they’re there for.
Importantly, when you’ve finished playing, make sure you factor in some time for a wind-down together afterwards. Safe BDSM, like any new sexual activity, can throw up some emotional wavering that you may not have been anticipating, and it’s important that you end play with a check-in - preferably a conversation about anything that’s come up for you and your partners, and some hugs. It’s also important to note that things that come up for any of the partners involved may not be about what’s just gone on. Sometimes it can be related to past experiences. Either way, be prepared to listen and not to judge.
The most important thing about exploring BDSM as a beginner, besides it being consensual and safe bondage sex, is that it’s fun and pleasurable for everyone involved. You don’t have to share a partner’s kink to be prepared to play - we can ‘gift’ our partners with experiences that we wouldn’t necessarily have chosen for ourselves. Revel in the new sensations, and relish the depth of connection it can bring you with another human. Bondage is binding, after all.
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Genuine BDSM relationships involve a strong connection and communication between partners. Although it does involve intimidating elements, and for some can be frightening, such as bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism, it’s far from being mentally or physically harmful.
So, if you want to explore your sexuality through BDSM play, there’s no shame about it. Investing in sex toys and kink gear can enhance your experience, but remember BDSM game is ultimately about you and your partner in bed. To get started, here are a few things to keep in mind for your first BDSM play:
Discuss your desires and boundaries
While it’s true that BDSM can involve rough sex, it is also about consensual sexual activities. It means that the parties involved have discussed the terms and agreed upon them in advance so that nothing goes out of hand. Even if you’ve been together for a while, don’t expect your partner to know everything, including all your desires, wants, and limits.
Communication is the key to a safe yet wild and sexy BDSM game. Everything, from which part of your body gives the most incredible sensations and what you’re into to your limitations or things you think could be negative triggers, should be discussed beforehand.
In order to surrender control, especially on the part of the submissive, you must trust your partner. You need to talk about your sexual boundaries and desires to ensure that everyone is safe and protected while enjoying an exhilarating sexual experience.
Don’t forget to use BDSM safe words
In the dominant-submissive concept of BDSM, the use of a safe word is crucial. The couple must agree on a safe word that the submissive can use to stop the action at any time during the play. It is also something that you and your partner should discuss, so both are aware of the limits and rules.
The safe word, phrase, or gesture must be uttered if one wants things to slow down or become uncomfortable. The color system – green, yellow, and red – also works well if the submissive wants the dominant to stop. It works exactly like the traffic lights where green means go, yellow implies a decrease in intensity, and red indicates an end or means to pause temporarily. Choose a system that works for you and your partner for a positive experience.
Use your imagination
Now that you understand each other’s wants and limitations take the next step by visualizing how you see the BDSM play going. What are you wearing, and where is the setting? Who’s playing the submissive and the dominant? Why is the submissive being punished, and what’s the punishment? The couple needs to decide the role they want to portray during the role-play to create a more erotic intensity.
It’s probably not something new, as many couples have fantasized about various erotic stories while they’re having sex. But this time, there are BDSM gear and sex toys you can add, like handcuffs and ropes. Don’t be afraid to use your imagination and think of sexy and hot scenarios that turn you on, and try to role play them.
If you’re not too confident, that’s fine. It’s normal for beginners to have some inhibitions or reservations still, but making your environment suitable for the play can be of great help. You can also experiment with your clothing that will make you feel powerful and sexy.
Some men are far more enthusiastic about oral sex even than tight virgin vaginas, because the behavior of letting women kneel and suck their genitals in the lower half of their body can bring them psychological satisfaction of being in absolute power and control, watching women kneel down for themselves and use their mouth to satisfy your own cock-desires and have a full sense of master and slave dominance. However, because some male penises are too long and female partners cannot tolerate deep throats, the use of props can not only satisfy male dominance and vent desires, but also being able to protect and allow women who can’t get a deep throat to serve their masters is a good thing that kills two birds with one stone. Sohimi’s BDSM Face Pocket Pussy for Oral Sex can be said to be a sex artifact specially tailored for this partner.
Add the right BDSM sex toy
BDSM play is exciting and hot in its own right, but adding props and toys to the game can take your experience to an entirely new level. Pick the ones that will bring you intense pleasure and make you and your partner feel good.
There are many other sex toys out there than vibrators and ropes that will match your BDSM game. If you’re not very good with knots, rope bondage may not be a good idea, especially if you’re still trying to get the hand of everything. You also don’t want to rush to the closest adult store and buy expensive BDSM gears and equipment only to find yourself disappointed because you don’t really like the sensations it gives.
Explore the world of sex toys and identify which one or two will be best for you and your partner. Men’s sex toys abound, and you can find tons of options at Sohimi for a comprehensive list of sex devices for beginners, experienced, and enthusiasts. From cock rings, blowjob stimulators to penis massagers, and more, you can always find a male sex toy that suits you.
Want to experience that your partner can’t escape your thrusting anyway? This can be said to be a sexual tool with a slightly aggressive and compulsive taste on love-making. Once in this Sohimi tortured love circle, this woman will satisfy you with anyway and anytime as long as you want, because she can’t escape!
Go slowly and take your time
When it comes to BDSM play, others are happy with blindfolds and a little restraint and bondage, while some like to go a bit more extreme. If you’re exploring BDSM for the first time, it’s okay to take your time and go slowly. Don’t rush into things and enjoy the process. As you practice and gain experience, you will become more familiar with acts that might be too rough and decide which moves you and your partner actually enjoy.
Expect that you will make mistakes, but no one should get hurt beyond what was discussed and agreed upon. Bear in mind that this sexual activity is all about enjoying, having fun, and discovering new elements of fantasies and desires.
With a bullet vibrator in, this vibrating c ring has a powerful strength! It’s not only a stimulator, but also your penis trainer, making your penis stronger, harder and erection longer.
Conclusion
Although BDSM may not be for everyone, it’s definitely something a lot of people are interested in or curious about, whether they admit it or not. If you want to give it a try with wonderful sex toys but unsure where to start, these tips should help you out. There is no specific rule or guidelines to make your BDSM play works, but if you communicate well with your partner and incorporate the best sex toys in the game, you might realize BDSM is just right for you.
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If you’re picturing a pair of iron underwear right now, then you’re pretty close to what I’m talking about. The idea behind “saving yourself” originated on moral grounds, but it has taken on a much kinkier meaning today. Now, male chastity is a viewed as a sign of sexy submission during role-playing games and BDSM.
There are many different definitions of chastity, especially when it comes to sexually active males. It can mean abstaining from intercourse completely or refusing to do a specific thing with a specific person or at a specific time. This term basically describes a state of going without satisfaction, gratification, or acknowledgment (depending on how serious it gets).
Back in the day, chastity belts were used to help keep someone pure by ensuring their modesty and celibacy. Thus, most people assume that the word equals a completely lack of lovemaking. However, being in a faithful marriage is an example and so doing everything but intercourse like an orally-gifted virgin.
Believe it or not, chastity is different for each gender. That’s because it’s an exercise in physical and mental fortitude, with techniques based solely on will power and anatomy. Thus, male chastity tends to look a little bit like this:
Female chastity may involve many of the same things, but theirs is accomplished differently because of how their body works. So, to experience the thrills of sexual restriction, use tools and techniques designed for your unique anatomy.
Chastising a man isn’t as hard as it sounds. Throughout the years, guys have come up with some pretty creative ways to ensure they never ejaculate unless it’s 100% permissible. Meanwhile, sex toy manufacturers and expert Kinksters have added to the pot. Now, there’s at least five different ways to get the job one.
#1. Use a Locking Cock Cage
Cock cages are specially-made devices designed to house a flaccid penis. Many of them are made from smooth, hypoallergenic materials and fitted for long-term wear. If you shop smart, you can even find some that come with pad locks and keys. Simply slide the wearer’s penis into the cage, lock it up, and then watch as they struggle to stay soft while you tickle and tease their balls. When that’s done, use the penis cage to ensure your man gets zero boners while you’re away.
#2. Wear Restrictive Penis Chastity Rings
Penis rings allow for a little more movement and pleasure but can also help prevent ejaculation if they’re used creatively. You see, penis lassos are designed to restrict blood flow to the shaft. That, in turn, makes it more challenging for the wearer to get off, even if they’re being aroused or fondled by a lover. When combined with a cock cage, these rings can totally prevent cumming or at least slow it down. Plus, some rings have built-in pleasure features to make it even harder (literally).
#3. Practice Tantric Sex
Tantric sex is an ancient practice that involves stimulating yourself or a partner to the point of near climax before backing off to let the sensations subside. It may sound cruel, but it’s actually rather hot and can even boost a person’s sexual endurance. This technique requires a lot of self-control, though. So, it’s important to use your resources when trying it for the first time. Of course, tools like cock cages and rings are essential. However, topical products such as numbing creams may work just as well.
#4. Tie Up His Hands
It’s nearly impossible to masturbate when you can’t move your hands or arms. It’s even harder to have sex or satisfy yourself with much else besides your imagination. Restricting motion is one of the best ways to ensure chastity in men, especially since most of their pleasure comes from external stimulation. So, use whatever you can to prevent that man from touching you, himself, or anything else. Tie up his wrists with rope or slap some handcuffs on him until you’re ready to set him free.
#5. Experiment with Virtual Reality
Virtual reality, or VR, is a relatively new technology that has finally made its way to the sex toy marketplace. That means users can experience real-time simulations and feel intense pleasure regardless of whether their partner is present or not. Thus, VR sex toys have been a must-have for faithful spouses and long-distance couples who wish to avoid the trappings of temptation without getting cranky. And because it uses remote controlling, partners can still dictate who gets off and when.
Male chastity is the cornerstone of kink and the foundation of a long-lasting relationship. It is not the refusal of sexual pleasure forever, so it’s not the end of your libido in any way. Instead, chastity is like building up your ammo reserves for a more successful booty battle. It’s smart, sexy, and oh so satisfying in the end.
If you do this right, then you’ll eventually need some chastity gear to ensure proper compliance with the rules and optimal safety. After all, we’re talking about a man’s most sensitive body parts here. There is very little room for error and prolonged chastisement may breed resentment if there’s no reward on the other side.
So, take your time developing a plan and then use these five tips to pick out (and use) today’s top-notch chastity equipment:
Pay attention to the fit or feel the pinch.
Keep in mind that not all chastity products for men are made the same. That means they’ll all be different shapes and sizes, so look closely. Try to find something that fits over a flaccid penis comfortably. Ideally, there should only be a few centimeters of moving space if the device fits correctly.
TIP: Cock cages and penis rings both come in small, medium, large, and extra-large sizes.
Mind the chastity materials to stay cozy and comfortable.
Penis skin can be extremely sensitive, especially when sweat and environmental debris are added. Prolonged use of cock cages may, therefore, result in chaffing or allergic reactions if the wrong materials are used. So, stick with something hypoallergenic like stainless steel, PVC, TPE, or silicone.
TIP: Coordinate the lube you use with the device’s materials to prevent damage.
Use the accessories provided for well-rounded experience.
In most cases, people who buy male chastity products end up getting tons of naughty accessories to enhance the device’s wearability and/or functionality. This generally includes padlocks, keys, cellmate identification paraphernalia, and size adjustment components. Use them as intended for a better night.
TIP: Keep a spare key somewhere safe to prevent embarrassing traps and painful accidents.
Combine forces for a major chastity impact.
Did you know that you can create your own chastity games with a partner? That’s especially true if you have more than one piece of genital restriction gear. Think: cock ring under a penis cage, or both while the wearer is tied to the bed. Combine all that with some visual, auditory, or physical stimulation to make it even more interesting.
TIP: Make sure everything can be used at the same time by checking for compatible features and materials.
Have a backup plan in case of an escape.
In some cases, it’s more difficult to keep a man chaste because his will is too strong. When that happens, you’ve got to be quick on your feet and creative. It also helps to have a backup plan that includes more restrictive measures. So, start out with something gentle that way you have somewhere to go when things get more serious.
TIP: Use durable, high-quality products to prevent breakage and stop possible escapes.
In summary
Male chastity can be a fun thing to explore with the right tips, tricks, tools, and techniques. So, don’t be afraid to experiment a little bit and never do anything that might put you or your partner in danger. Also, talk honestly with your partner to determine hard and soft boundaries in the bedroom.
What Is A Chastity Cage?
A male chastity cage is a device that “locks” the wearer’s penis inside. It prevents the wearer from getting a full erection, which means masturbation, sexual intercourse, or other sexual activity are off the table until their key-holder says it’s OK to do so. Because chastity cages literally cage the wearer’s penis, it’s important to ensure that you know exactly how to use it and remove it quickly, if necessary. Otherwise, you could end up in the ER.
“The aim of male chastity is to embrace and savor the journey towards orgasm,” says Tatyana Dyachenko, a relationship expert, sex therapist, and founder of Peaches and Screams. “When choosing a restrictive device, always do your homework first; make sure it’s from a reputable company and that the male chastity device is safe.”
Why Use a Chastity Device?
There are numerous reasons you should have a penis cage, but the main one is improving your relationship and enhancing intimacy.
What To Consider When Buying A Male Chastity Cage?
Before you decide on which chastity cage you’d like to try out, you should consider:
How To Put On A Chastity Cage
There are a few essential steps to take before putting on a chastity cage.
Here’s a quick guide:
FAQ
Are chastity cages dangerous?
As long as you measure yourself beforehand and keep track of your personal hygiene while wearing the cage, you should be OK.
“When men shop for a cock cage, the safest option is to choose one that is adjustable,” a sex-pert and managing director said.“ Why? “Every guy’s scrotum and erection is different, so a ‘one-size-fits-all’ type of ring will not always fit well,” Green continues. “It can be too tight, which is very dangerous — overly constricting the penis and scrotum suffocates the tissue. Compare this to wrapping an elastic band around your finger — after a while, it turns blue, signifying it’s deprived of oxygen.”
Do chastity cages hurt?
First things first: If you’re in pain, take the cage off. Chastity is about painless sexual pleasure, orgasm denial, and orgasm control. If you’re uncomfortable or in pain while wearing your chastity cage, it may be because:
How long can you wear a chastity cage?
The answer to this question depends on your sexual experience with male chastity devices and personal preference. If you’re new to chastity, start gradually: Wear it for a few minutes, an hour, a few hours, etc.
“People that are new to chastity cages or chastity belts may find them unconformable to start with,” says Dyachenko. “If you’re uncircumcised, a cage may be limiting as the foreskin may protrude through the end bars, which could lead to inflammation over extended periods.”
With that being said, if you plan on wearing your cage daily or for long-term wear, don’t forget to remove it for a thorough cleaning now and then. Soap and water should do the trick.
How to measure for a chastity cage?
Measure the length and girth of your penis while it’s flaccid. Write these measurements down. Then, measure the circumference (from underneath your ball sack to over the base of your penis). You can use a piece of string to measure the circumference. Once you have these measurements down, do it again, but with an erect penis.
When shopping for a cock cage, be sure to look at the company’s sizing guide before making a final purchase decision.
Hope these can be useful for your and your man. Enjoy the experience with male chastity.
]]>BDSM encompasses a wide range of sexual practices, characterized by physical restriction, role-playing, exchange of power, and sometimes administration of pain. People who practice BDSM may have interests in all or only some of these activities; additionally, these practices are for sensory and not just erotic pleasure, and do not stem only from violence as is often posited. The practice of viewing BDSM as pathology began in the 19th century, but even in the fifth Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, BDSM is pathologized somewhat, with sexual sadism and masochism being considered paraphilia (sexual perversion or deviation, attraction to atypical objects or practices), and paraphilic disorders if they cause undue distress to self or others.
One of the strongest arguments for BDSM as a healthy practice is from a study published two years ago comparing BDSM and control participants. Large numbers of both filled out online questionnaires containing sections measuring the Big Five personality dimensions, attachment styles, rejection sensitivity, and subjective well-being. While it has often been posited that BDSM practitioners have some type of pathology, the results of this study actually found quite the opposite: BDSM practitioners were “less neurotic, more extraverted, more open to new experiences, more conscientious, less rekection sensitive, and had higher subjective well-being”. Authors of the study concluded therefore that BDSM should be thought of as recreation rather than expression of psychopathology.
Another compelling argument for BDSM as a healthy practice is that most problems that people in the BDSM subculture face come not from the practices themselves, but from being forced to hide these practices, or the discrimination they face in society if they do not hide them. When people believe that sadomasochism (SM) is violent or abusive behavior, it often results in harassment and discrimination against those who identify as SM – not just in conservative or religious communities, but also facing opposition from self-identified feminists. Even the National Organization for Women (NOW), which supports equality of the sexes and advocates for lesbian and women’s rights, explicitly rejected sadomasochism in a 1980 conference resolution, as it violated feminist principles. Their and other feminist’s ideas that SM was abusive and violent were not built upon research, but quoting specific people who had encountered abuse. SM has been shown to be consensual and desired, however, involving discussions of limits and levels of comfort, rather than unpredictability and escalation that are associated with abusive behavior. Having garnered enough support by 1996, in 1999 SM practitioners were able to have the anti-SM stance of NOW removed, but the group is still not openly supportive of these practices, and therefore safe SM techniques and discussions for awareness will likely not take place in the group. There has been a lasting pattern of discrimination against SM practitioners, and they face harassment and violence, and there are cases of people losing their jobs or the custody of their children during divorce and family court proceedings (seen as “unfit”) as a result of their practices coming to light or never being hidden in the first place. There has also been resistance to SM conferences, which have been canceled and banned by venues because they are controversial; this makes it more difficult to hold meetings for SM education and support. Additionally, many states still have statues in place that forbid “consent as a defense to assault” which is used to penalize SM behaviors considered by prosecutors to be too extreme.
One of the main academic and moral oppositions to the practices of BDSM comes from psychoanalytical writers, who view the practices as a “symptom of underlying psychopathology”. Posited reasons for people to practice BDSM include unresolved childhood conflict, developmental failures, and early traumatic experiences. Freud characterized sexual masochists as formerly abused children, trying to regain control by replicating events. Sexual sadism and sexual masochism have been recently connected with posttraumatic stress disorder and related symptoms such as dissociation, and they have also been associated with mood disorders like depression and anxiety. A demographic questionnaire of 132 self-identified BDSM practicing individuals found that although clinical disorders are not evidenced to be more prevalent among BDSM individuals, there was a presence of nonspecific dissociative symptoms and narcissistic personality traits among them.
Others are concerned with potential problems arising with BDSM outside of ideal communication/consenting situations. People who have suffered prior abuse may have difficulty expressing limits/safewords and protecting themselves. This group may suffer more injuries in SM activities, and people may not realize that it is not just physical discomfort to keep in mind with a safeword, but psychological distress as well. Some people trying to practice BDSM may not be mindful enough of their own sexual interests, or may not be aware of safe BDSM practices, which could lead to accidents. Further, some of these sexual interactions may begin consensually, but proceed into abuse or violence over time if communication is poor or safewords are ignored. Severely dominant or abusive partners may want sexual encounters without a condom, and if submissive partners do not ask, this can lead to higher numbers of BDSM individuals who are HIV-positive (for example leathermen, who practice dominance and submission and have a 61% higher likelihood for HIV compared to non-leathermen). A lack of communication and skills stemming from communicating only with a partner or subgroup one is involved in can lead to unhealthy practices and abuse, especially if the person believes it will be difficult to find another BDSM partner. These problems come from decisions that are made by one person out of fear more than free will, and the less experienced or more submissive person may in turn be manipulated.
I was honestly unable to find empirical, current evidence that BDSM is an unhealthy sexual practice. Even the arguments I have explained that are against or suspicious of BDSM are from larger articles/studies, which used the arguments to explain BDSM’s history and delineate BDSM from abuse. The psychoanalytic theories for the reasons to practice BDSM have not been supported by any of the recent studies I have seen, with most of the data showing instead that BDSM is not an indicator of pathology, but rather just a sexual preference. The feminist arguments against BDSM are paradoxical – to fight for sexual freedom and equality, but at the same time condemn a consensual practice based on the idea that it is degrading does not make sense.As a consensual sexual practice, BDSM should not be grounds for job or legal/custody discrimination, which can turn a bedroom leisure activity into a practice that ruins the life of someone who never conducted harmful or non-consensual activities. The idea that BDSM practitioners are maladjusted is also unfounded based on all of the large-scale studies involving trusted methodologies that I read.
BDSM may in fact be a benefit to couples who want to live out fantasies, change roles, or release strong emotions in a positive and loving way. It is vital to be educated and communicative regarding BDSM if you plan on practicing it, of course, to avoid abuse or harm to anyone involved. But as long as BDSM is attached to such stigma coming from preconceived ideas, it will be an obstacle to be overcome by individuals, who should not have to worry about what other people think about their kinky bedroom activities.
]]>What progress has there been on LGBTQ rights since you established Human Rights Watch’s LGBTQ rights programme?
There’s been enormous progress globally and locally. It’s important to note that the fight for LGBTQ rights is not a Western phenomenon; many of the governments at the forefront of the defence of LGBTQ rights are from the developing world. The historic LGBTQ resolution at the United Nations Human Rights Council, adopted in September 2014, was led by governments from the global south, primarily Latin America, and backed by others from all over the world, including South Africa. Even governments usually opposed to human rights enforcement, such as Cuba, Venezuela and Vietnam, supported it.
What is LGBTQ?
LGBTQ is an abbreviation for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer or questioning, intersex, asexual, and more. These terms are used to describe a person’s sexual orientation or gender identity.
What Does LGBTQ+ Mean?
LGBTQ+ stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer (or sometimes questioning), and others. The "plus" represents other sexual identities including pan-sexual and Two-Spirit. The first four letters of the acronym have been used since the 1990s, but in recent years there has been an increased awareness of the need to be inclusive of other sexual identities to offer better representation.
The acronym is used to represent a diverse range of sexualities and gender-identities, referring to anyone who is transgender and/or same/similar gender attracted.
What Does Each Letter Mean?
When was LGBTQ created?
From about 1988, activists began to use the initialism LGBT in the United States. Not until the 1990s within the movement did gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people gain equal respect. This spurred some organizations to adopt new names, as the GLBT Historical Society did in 1999.
How do LGBTQ rights differ around the world?
Yet, because of this global support, we’re recently witnessing an intensifying backlash. To a large degree, this is due to the greater visibility of the LGBTQ community in societies that have begun to recognize their rights. But LGBTQ people are also convenient scapegoats for embattled leaders, who are trying to rally support from more conservative sectors of their society. Whether it’s Uganda, Nigeria or Russia, the decision to scapegoat the LGBTQ community is an outcome of serious challenges to the regime, for widespread corruption or abusive authoritarianism.
The status of the LGBTQ community is a good litmus test for the status of human rights in society more broadly, precisely because it is such a vulnerable minority---similar to the proverbial canary in the coal mine. Where the rights of LGBTQ people are undermined, you can be sure that the rights of other minorities and critical members of civil society will soon also be in jeopardy.
How To Support LGBTQ Youth?
The word "ally" is a powerful one. It means someone who has your back and is on your side, because they know it's the right thing to do. In the LGBTQ movement, an "ally" describes someone who may not be LGBTQ themselves, but who are committed to equality and who speak out against discrimination.
Allies can be anyone:
By taking steps to visibly support LGBTQ youth and their rights, allies can play a critical role in stopping and even preventing harassment and discrimination against LGBTQ youth, ensuring that schools and out-of-home care settings are safe for everybody.
Here's what you can do to be an ally to LGBTQ youth:
Everyone
Classmates
Faculty and Staff
Parents and Family Members
If you’ve done any of these things, then you’re already an ally—keep up the good work! If you haven’t, now is a great time to start.
When we think of BDSM, most of us automatically assume a straight couple who have switched up their normative gender roles. In those relationships, women take psychological control over men, and they inflict physical pain. They either do it by whipping mischievous boys or stepping on them in leather boots. Those who passionately oppose the kink community and LGBTQ people (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer) would think this was just a way for a closeted gay dude not to disappoint his war veteran dad.
LGBTQ Community and early BDSM Movement
The BDSM movement and the LGBTQ community had one thing in common in the 20th century — public opinion considered them (morally) wrong. Nevertheless, BDSM was still a straight thing. But as the wild 80s arrived, people became more sexually exploratory. Many facilities, such as swinger and kink clubs, became more and more present. Fetishes were no longer a sign of mental derangement, rather just sexual preferences we as individuals have. With BDSM, people challenge the normative way of having sex, during which a male puts his sword into a female sheath. Suddenly, we had a growing number of straight men who liked to be submissive (bottoms). They would let a dominant girl (top) take matters (and whips) into her hands.
BDSM and today's LGBTQ community
As we’ve already said, BDSM is more accepted in today’s society. Although many still consider it taboo, people don’t frown upon it as they used to. Nowadays, people are more open about their kinkiness and sexual preferences. As is the case with the LGBTQ community, there are more people who don’t feel the need to hide the fact that they like something different from the norm. However, even within the LGBTQ community, there’s some stigma about BDSM practitioners, and you can find many confessions online about how hard it is to find an S&M partner for a queer BDSM person.
Even if that is still the case, it’s obvious that there’s a lot less condemnation today if you’re into S&M. These days, pretty much in every major city, you will find a plethora of gay bars and kink clubs where you can find and chat with like-minded people. As we’ve mentioned before, there’s a school of thought, if you will, that kink should be regarded as a separate sexual orientation (renaming the community to LGBTQK+). The idea behind it is that it’s specific enough to merit its own category. People who agree with this state that kink is as individualistic as transgender. When you break it down, a transsexual having sex with someone can be regarded as either gay or lesbian, similarly to BDSM sex practices. However, the majority still find it to be a fetish, something that differs from the norm.
Benefits To The LGBGT Community
As we’ve mentioned before, BDSM has helped dramatically with the rise in popularity (and safety) of the LGBTQ community. Perhaps the most significant contribution was that it brought the idea of non-normative sex being a perfectly normal thing. As a fetish, BDSM is something people grow into. None of us is into the same stuff they were into when we were 11 and started touching ourselves. The fact is, so many people are into BDSM. That makes non-normative sex less of a taboo and more of an everyday taste.
So if this particular form of non-vanilla sexuality is not weird and “unnatural,” why would any other be? Today, people are less afraid to explore their desires. Now, you have successful businessmen wearing tights and bras, becoming drag queens, and just doing what they feel like doing. Thanks to the evolution of plastic surgery, many are able to go through gender-changing procedures. Subsequently, the transgender BDSM scene has also been on the rise in recent years.
That (perhaps inadvertently) benefits the LGBTQ community. Differences in sexuality are becoming less and less of a dividing point between queer people and straight mainstream.
Now I know what you may be thinking: “You mean to tell me that someone who is literally bound to a point where they’re helpless equals feeling aroused and happy?” Yep, that’s exactly what I am saying. This is because, well, different strokes for different folks.
We all have our kinks, fetishes, and fantasies, and the ones pertaining to BDSM are just as valid and ‘normal’ as any other.
For many of you, throwing the words ‘happy’ ‘horny’ and ‘hogtied’ into the same sentence seems like a stretch. Sure, if you’re horny and you’re getting some, it seems fairly obvious that you’re going to feel happy. But hogtied?
Now I know what you may be thinking: “You mean to tell me that someone who is literally bound to a point where they’re helpless equals feeling aroused and happy?” Yep, that’s exactly what I am saying. This is because, well, different strokes for different folks.
Like the way, your partner kisses your neck? Prefer to be more submissive during your sexual trysts? Or maybe you secretly love it when you’re able to dig your nails into your partner’s back during sex. Exactly.
We all have our kinks, fetishes, and fantasies, and the ones pertaining to BDSM are just as valid and ‘normal’ as any other.
To further prove this point, a study found that those who actively live the BDSM lifestyle were less prone to depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, and psychological sadomasochism. How about them apples?
In the realm of bondage, hogtied means that a person (usually called a ‘sub’ or a ‘bottom’) has their ankles and wrists bound behind their back.
It could also be when a person has their legs spread apart with each ankle tied separately. The latter then gives uninterrupted access to the nether regions.
In this way, their mobility is seriously compromised.
The person who takes the reins (usually called a ‘dom’ or a ‘top’) is able to position the bound person as they prefer, giving them access to different body parts.
If you and your partner want to spice up your sex life, you might decide to hogtie each other. Hogtying someone involves tying their hands and feet behind their back, then binding their wrist and ankle cuffs together. Before you hogtie someone, make sure that you get their consent and stop immediately if they change their mind. While your partner is hogtied, stay with them the entire time and free them if their skin changes colors or they feel pain or numbness.
1 Ask your partner to lie down on their front. Choose a comfortable surface, like the bed or a carpeted floor. Then, get them to lie down with their legs straight and their arms at their sides. Let them turn their head to the left or the right, whichever is more comfortable.
Variation: If you and your partner are beginners, try reversing the position and having your partner start on their back. Then, tie their hands and feet in front of their body to make it easier on them.
2 Lift your partner’s arms up behind their back. Bring your partner’s hands behind their back like they’re being arrested. Place your partner’s hands over their waist or bum so that they can comfortably hold the position.
3 Fold a rope in half and thread the ends through the loop to make a cuff. Create a loop by folding your rope in half, then hold the rope behind your partner’s hands. Wrap the ends of the rope around your partner’s wrist and insert them into the loop. Pull the ends to tighten the rope around your partner’s hands.
4 Wrap the ends of the rope around their hands in the opposite direction. After you cinch the rope around their wrists, reverse the direction of the ends of the rope. Then, wrap the rope around the outside of their right wrist. Bring the rope around and wrap it along the outside of the left wrist to complete a second loop.
5 Loop the ends around the center of the rope and knot it. Bring the end of the rope up and over the center of the loop you made around your partner’s wrists. Then, wrap the ends of the rope several times to create a binding cuff. Finally, knot the ends of your rope to secure the binding.
You can use any knot that you prefer. If you don't have a preferred knot, try a square knot or an overhand knot.
1 Ask your partner to bend at their knees to lift their feet in the air. Get them to bend their knees into a 90-degree angle with the bottom of their feet facing the floor. Bring their legs close together so that the insides of their ankles easily touch.
2 Bend the rope in half and loop it around their ankles. Fold the rope to create a loop, then hold it behind your partner’s ankles. Insert the ends of the rope into the loop and pull it to secure the rope around their ankles.
3 Wrap the ankles a second time, then reverse directions. Loop the rope around their ankles a second time going in the direction the rope is already facing. Then, tuck the end of the rope between the loops on their left ankle. Reverse the direction of the rope and wrap it around their ankles again a 3rd time.
4 Wrap the rope around the loop and knot it. Bring the ends of the rope to the center of the cuff around your partner's ankles. Then, wrap the ends of the rope around the center of the cuff 1 or 2 times. Finally, knot the ends of the rope to secure the cuff.
1 Fold the binding rope in half and position the loop under the wrist cuff. Bend the rope in half to create a loop, then place the rope under the wrist cuff with the loop pointing toward their head. Bring the ends of the rope up and thread them through the loop. Then, pull the ends of the rope down to tighten the loop around the wrist cuff.
2 Loop the ends of the binding rope around the foot cuff. Bring the ends of the rope down toward your partner’s feet. Then, loop the binding rope around the center of the foot cuff. Adjust the length of the binding rope to fit your partner’s flexibility and comfort levels.
Tightening the binding rope will bring their hands and feet closer together.
3 Bring the ends of the rope back up to the wrist cuff. Pull the ends of the binding rope up to the wrist cuff, then loop them around the center of the cuff. Finish the loop with the ends of the rope down below their hands.
4 Wrap the ends of the rope around the length of the binding. Bring the ends of the binding rope together. Starting just below their hands, wrap the ends of the binding rope around the taut length of rope going from their wrists to their ankles.
5 Knot the ends of the binding rope together at the center of the foot cuff. Once you reach their feet, separate the ends of the rope. Bring 1 end over the top of the foot cuff and 1 end under the bottom of the foot cuff. Then, tie the ends of the rope into a knot around the foot cuff.
Always be aware of the possibility of the sired person falling! Always be aware of what the sired person will fall or hit if she faints. When the sired person is hanging, what is she hanging from? Where is the weight bearing position on her body? If there is a problem with these suspension points and body positions, then if she falls or faints accidentally, she will likely suffer serious or even life-threatening injuries. Whether or not these issues are taken into account when tying is an important criterion for judging a rope-master's skill.
There are also dangers in tying an arrow, too tight or prolonged tying can lead to postural asphyxiation (which can lead to blood clots or even death), as well as the risk of wrist and knee injuries.
#1 Fainting or falling after being untied
When tied, especially when lying down for a period of time, the tied person may faint or fall after being untied for a period of time because the balance of the body has not been restored, or the blood supply to the brain has not been restored when the person stands up too quickly.
If the sire is partially untied, let the sire sit down or lie down according to the situation, and when the sire is completely untied, do not let the sire get up.
#2 Fixed position
It is very painful for the sired person to be unable to move her limbs. Leaving a little space for the sired parts will make the bondage safer and last longer.
However, if the sire bond is fixed for too long, especially if the arms and legs are suspended at a position lower than the heart, it may lead to some problems such as blood clots and delayed reflux at the end of the limbs.
Theoretically, this can be called "suspension syndrome"; this is one of the most important adverse reactions to sirens, and some non-sirens may also have similar reactions. In extreme cases, sire bondage can occur in about 6 minutes. Therefore, under no circumstances should the rope master leave the sired person in sire bondage, no matter what the situation is, the sired person should be put down as quickly as possible.
#3 Private bondage
Private bondage has a higher chance of being dangerous than public bondage, and there are experienced rope masters who will take the initiative to supervise the safety of public bondage.
For intimate bondage, the health of the rope master should be taken into consideration, as there is no way for the sired person to escape, and it is not easy to get outside help for intimate bondage.
Research some of the rope master's qualifications, talk to others who have been tied by him to get an idea of his level, ask who he studied with and refer to his previous rope work.
Don't accept a private bondage the first time you meet him, but talk to him more and get to know him better.
Arrange a "secure phone call" with a trusted friend who knows where you are going, who you are with and what you are doing. He waits for an appointed time to receive your call, or calls you at an appointed time, and discusses how to respond if you are not contacted.
Note that the rope near the neck, only decorative, can not be used as a weight-bearing rope, if there is a weight-bearing function as far as possible to lean towards the shoulder direction.
Do not use the rope tied to the private parts as a weight-bearing rope, and do not tie the knot in the private parts, easy to hurt.
The hands are often the first to go numb, so try to arrange the order of tying, keep the hands can be the first, the easiest to untie.
Many bondage experts are accustomed to the two-finger principle, that is, the tightness of each bundle should be able to reach into two fingers, leaving room for the sired person to squirm and adjust their body posture.
Two big guys principle: a suspension point strength should be able to withstand the weight of two adult men, hanging a person, need to be able to bear the weight of two people's strength to do safety redundancy.
Understand the bearing capacity of the upper arm, the upper arm is the main binding part of the general bundle, understand the bearing time and strength of the sired person here to avoid nerve damage.
]]>BDSM fans seeking a more intense sex session may way specific toys and devices to help set a scene involving Dominance, submission, bondage, pain, humiliation, role play, and/or other kinky activities. On this list, you'll find BDSM toys ranging from mainstream—or, as "mainstream" as a BDSM toy can get—to niche products for experienced kinksters. Cuffs (for restraining someone) and floggers (for impact play) are among the more common BDSM sex toys you'll find on this list, but you'll also explore some next-level items like anal hooks, metal claws, an electrostimulation wand, and an alien breeder dildo. Some of these sex toys aren't for the faint of heart, but they can be a whole lot of fun if used safely and correctly.
While BDSM and all the accessories that go along with it can seem a little intimidating to newbies, you'll be glad to know there are plenty of non-intimidating BDSM toys made specifically for beginners that can help you get started. If you're new to bondage, discipline, dominance, and submission, then we've got all the best tools for understanding which sensations and forms of play you’d like to explore more. Best of all, these beginner BDSM toys allow for enough creativity and versatility to carry you through to the waters of deep kink later on if you'd like.
As with any new hobby, affordability is a concern, which is why most of the items on here are relatively inexpensive, 'cause you don’t want to invest a ton into something that you might not be into. Likewise, we've got a range of toys and accessories for exploring different components of BDSM, from wax play to edge play to impact play.
Sex toys, also called BDSM toys, are objects people use to have more pleasure during sex or masturbation. Sometimes sex toys can also have medical uses if you have a sexual dysfunction or medical condition. There are many different types of sex toys, and people use them for lots of different reasons.
It's totally normal to use sex toys, but it's also totally normal not to — it's a personal decision, and everyone's different. As long as you're using sex toys safely, there's nothing harmful about it.
Why do people use sex toys?
All kinds of people may choose to use sex toys, for many different reasons. For some, using sex toys is the easiest (or only) way they can have an orgasm — this is especially common for people with vulvas. Sometimes people use sex toys to help them masturbate. People also use sex toys during sex with their partners.
For transgender, non-binary, or gender nonconforming people, certain sex toys may help affirm their gender identity or help relieve gender dysphoria.
Some people with disabilities or limited mobility use sex toys to make it easier to masturbate, have sex, or do sexual activities or positions that would otherwise be harder or not possible for them.
Sex toys can also help treat the symptoms of certain disorders, like erectile dysfunction, genital arousal disorder, hypo-active sexual disorder, and orgasm disorder. And some people find that sex toys help them deal with the sexual side effects of certain medications, health conditions, or menopause — like a low sex drive or decreased sensation in their genitals.
1--Restraints. From ankle and wrist straps to collars and rope, being retrained is part of many a BDSM play scene. Nice, broad, well fitting straps are best for comfort and long scenes. They will minimize the need to adjust during play, which can be a distraction! Rope should be used only if you know how to tie them correctly and you are aware of the Safety issues involved. Rope knots should never press on tendons or ligaments, and your sub should not end up with a huge knot pressing into their back when led down. See the earlier post we did showing the correct way to tie the wrist. We will be doing more bondage tutorials, so call back again for them. Collars should fit well. Your sub should never be left alone if the collar is tethered to anything. They are fun to attach a lead to when moving your sub around.
2--Gags. Not a toy for the beginner unless you have a particular fetish for them. I found it took me a while before being prepared to try them. You cannot speak with one in, so you do need another way to indicate should you need to be released for any reason. My Fulani gives me a small ball to drop, but we’ve also used hand signals in these play situations. You must be able to trust your dom to act immediately if you need to be released
3--Floggers. These vary in the width of each thong and they also vary by the texture of the materials they are constructed from. The best way to choose a flogger is to decide what kind of stimulation you want from it.
Thin rubber or thin, stiff leather ones will sting if used with any force. Softer leather or suede ones will ‘thud’ more and are really useful to ‘warm up’ the skin. Most reputable sellers will indicate on their websites what type you are buying, and are nearly always willing to advise you if you are not sure which ones to go for. If you can make it to a BDSM fair, sellers will allow you to try them on your own skin to ensure you get what you want.
4--Bondage tape. Bondage tape is a bit like parcel tape, except it only sticks to itself. A fun alternative to rope or cuffs, as long as all you want is wrists or ankles tied together. Unlike rope, you can’t then attach the tape to something to hold your sub down.
Bondage tape is quicker to apply than rope and can give your BDSM scene more of a kidnapper/victim or consensual non-consent (CNC) vibe if that’s your kink.
5--Crops. These are very easily obtained from any riding shop, but check out the crop before you buy. They do vary in stiffness and width, and this will affect the sensation on the skin. The stiffer they are, and the smaller the tress or ‘tongue’ at the end, the more they are likely to sting!
6--Canes. The thinner these are the more they will sting and the more chance they have of breaking the skin, so new doms beware and practise before doing any serious play with your partner. Thicker ones, again, will be more ‘thuddy’ but when delivered hard will make your sub howl. Once your sub is blindfolded, Fulani tells me it’s great fun scaring their sub by ‘swishing’ them in the air really hard, but not actually hitting them this hard.
7--Nipple clamps. These vary from the howlingly painful (which your sub may or may not appreciate) to fairly stimulating. Some are made like clothes pegs, with a spring to close them. Others screw up so are more adjustable. I would go for these if you’re unsure how much stimulation your sub’s nipples can take. The idea is to leave them on for a while (from a couple of minutes to about twenty in my case) but beware! The longer your sub has them on, the more noise they are likely to make when you remove them, as this allows a blood rush back into the nipples and this obviously can be quite painful. I like this, but if you are new, experiment to find out what you like!
8--Paddles. These are flat, paddle like spanking toys that can sting quite a lot. They aren’t one of my favourite toys, but they may be one of yours. Again, they will vary in intensity depending on what they are made of and how wide the paddle is. Softer suede will be less intense than a wide, stiff leather one. Try before you buy or choose from item descriptions on the website you’re looking at. Studded ones are going to hurt more than flat ones!
9--Padded blindfold. A more robust blindfold than item 6. It has depressions for eye sockets and is thicker, making it comfier to wear. The strap is also thicker and adjustable to fit any head size.
Blindfolds are useful for sensory depravation play, and building a sense of anticipation.
They tend to fall off during sex, and you can often see under them in a lying position by staring down your nose. Therefore, a blindfold is best worn when your sub is upright, such as kneeling for you.
10--Your brain. Last but not least, the best BDSM toy, and it’s free. Your brain is the best toy you have. Imagination can build intense anticipation, fear, excitement or whatever else you want out of a play session. Use email to tease each other before the play event. Talk to your sub once they are blindfolded (another useful accessory) and tell them what you’re going to do to them. Tease them with scary stories. It all depends on what you and your sub want out of a play session. I remember once turning up for a play session and Fulani quite innocently showing me his new chef’s kitchen knife. We had a meal then decided to play. When I felt cold metal on my skin and realised it was a knife I was truly scared (which is a turn on for me in this situation). My brain told me it was that huge, sharp new carving knife. We had a great session. Later, once the blindfold came off, I realised the scary huge knife was actually a little blunt one Fulani uses to tease subs! My brain had done the rest very well. Trust is vital when playing, and again something only you, your partner and your brains can develop. And that depends on communication. So talk lots, agree a safe word or way of letting your dom know you’ve had enough and talk again after a session, especially if either of you felt uncomfortable about anything.
Where can I buy BDSM sex toys?
You can buy sex toys at specialty stores, usually called sex shops, sex stores, or adult stores. Depending on the policy of the store, you may have to be over a certain age (like 16 or 18) to shop there. Some pharmacies, drug stores, or large retail stores sell a small variety of the more common sex toys, like vibrators.
Many sex stores and sex toy brands have websites where you can buy products online (they usually mail them in plain packaging for privacy). To make sure your sex toy is really the brand and material you think it is, it’s best to buy from trusted stores or websites that have detailed information about their products.
Some sex stores are specially geared towards certain customers, like women or the LGBTQ community. Feminist and some LGBTQ-centered sex stores often have a large variety of products for people of all gender identities and sexual orientations, and staff who provide a more comfortable, affirming, and knowledgeable experience for women, femmes, and LGBTQ people.
Not sure what beginner BDSM toys are right for you? Test out a variety with the help of a beginner bondage kit, like this option from Adam & Eve. It includes a pair of ankle cuffs, a pair of wrist cuffs, a paddle, and a blindfold, so you can try your hand at restraint play, sensory deprivation, spanking, and other fun fantasies.
]]>Bondage sex is a form of BDSM where one person ties up their partner in a sex position. The process can be as simple or intricate as the couple desires. Some bondage positions are variations of doggy-style or missionary, while others are more athletic and require special bondage equipment.
With all that in mind, you should be able to put together a collection that works well, looks good, is safe to play with, and will last for many sessions to come.
For the purposes of inspiration, here are a few things you might wish to include in that collection…
The most ubiquitous kind of wrist restraint is the classic leather cuff. These generally fasten with a buckle, and come with a D-ring to which you can attach trigger clips and chains to facilitate actual restraint.
Also in this category, though, you’ll find police-style handcuffs and a range of other specialist restraints.
Type of Cuff |
Severity |
Pros |
Cons |
Decorative |
Low |
Pretty |
Delicate, fiddly |
Velcro |
Low |
Cheap |
Cheap-looking |
Plain leather |
Good |
Easy to clean |
Less comfortable |
Padded leather |
Good |
Comfortable |
Not easy to clean |
Police handcuffs |
High |
Very secure |
Fiddly, uncomfortable |
Fluffy handcuffs |
Good |
Cute, amusing |
Fiddly, uncomfortable |
Silicone |
Low |
Comfortable, Easy to use |
Not secure |
Metal |
High |
Look good |
Uncomfortable, expensive |
By the way, none of the above wrist cuffs are suitable for stringing someone up by the wrists. For those you’ll want suspension cuffs (if you didn’t know that already, by the way, you should do a lot more research before attempting any kind of suspension).
Ankle cuffs are basically the same as wrist cuffs, but bigger and thicker to accommodate ankles rather than slender wee wrists. As with wrist cuffs, there are several options.
Type of Cuff |
Severity |
Pros |
Cons |
Velcro |
Low |
Cheap |
Cheap-looking |
Plain leather |
Good |
Easy to clean |
Less comfortable |
Padded leather |
Good |
Comfortable |
Not easy to clean |
Metal ankle cuffs, by the way, do exist. They’re just not included here because they’re so massively uncomfortable that almost nobody likes playing with them.
Solo cuffs for the thighs generally won’t stay in place very well… unless combined with something to keep them in situ. For that reason thigh restraints are often bundled with something else.
Thumb cuffs are metal implements which lock around the wearer’s thumbs, holding them in place. They’re often sold as a novelty rather than as a serious bondage tool, but there are decent thumb cuffs available.
Bondara sell an interesting variation on standard thumb cuffs which incorporates them into a set of strict wrist cuffs.
Many people are discouraged from trying rope bondage because of the misty-eyed, Jedi-master aura assigned to it by the kink community in general. Actually, rope bondage is pretty simple. You can teach yourself some quick, easy, safe knots to use in the bedroom in about 20 minutes. Here’s a good resource for that.
For basic rope stuff (IE: not suspension, not complex ties) it hardly matters what rope you use. Most kinds of cotton or hemp rope are fine for this purpose. Most synthetic ropes are too, but may not be as comfortable or easy to work with. It’s completely legit to buy bondage rope from your local hardware store – it’s cheap and you can get an idea of texture and elasticity before you buy.
While you’re shopping, pick up some safety shears. These are way better than scissors for cutting rope that’s been pulled too tight.
And, if you don’t want to learn any knots but still want to play with rope, you can get pre-made rope toys like these, which require no knot-tying knowledge whatsoever.
Collars go around the neck. BDSM folk put a lot of meaning in collars, but they are also valid just as toys for bondage play. For these purposes, a basic dog collar works just fine, but you can also get a range of other purpose-made bondage collars.
Type of Collar |
Specifications |
Leather |
Somewhat adjustable, has attachment points, traditional |
Satin |
Pretty and light, but not secure or suitable for bondage |
Velcro |
Comfortable, easy to use, infinitely adjustable |
Posture |
Uncomfortable, but enforces upright posture |
Metal |
Heavy, cold, but very secure and looks good |
Hogties are cross-shaped assemblages of leather and metal designed to allow you to restrain someone in the hogtie position. Some come with cuffs, like this one, while others have to be combined with wrist and ankle cuffs to get the full effect.
There’s very little to say about there, except that they’re useful for hogtying someone. You can absolutely hogtie someone without one, but using a hogtie makes it more comfortable for the person being tied, and doesn’t require as much flexibility from them.
These bondage toys are available in a range of formats, but the most common one consists of a collar connected to a set of cuffs by a long strap… which may have some attachment points on too.
They’re pretty fun… although it should be noted that they’re very much a unitask item. You can achieve the same result by purchasing some cuffs, a collar, some trigger clips and a chain… creating a kit that can be used in multiple configurations, not just one.
Toys like these are often sold as restraints, but that’s pushing the description. They’re wearable items that do inhibit movement a little bit, but mainly serve to make some sex positions more comfortable. If that’s what you’re looking for, go for it. If you want restraints, you’d be better off purchasing a collar, cuffs, and various lengths of chain and trigger clips to assemble your own.
Harnesses like these don’t do much restraining by themselves, but are very aesthetically pleasing. The point of these, from a bondage perspective, is to create a network of attachment points all over the body, to which cuffs, chains, ropes and other fun things can be fastened.
A spreader bar is a rigid bar with an attachment point on either end. Placed between the legs (and fastened to ankle cuffs) it keeps the wearer’s legs open in a way that’s generally very pleasing.
Under the spreader bar banner you also have restraints like this – which use a strap rather than a rigid bar. As such, they don’t really do much spreading, but instead work as restraints. Maybe that’s what you’re after – but don’t confuse them with a rigid spreader bar.
These restraints work with your furniture to allow for some fun bondage options. Under-the-bed restraints are generally long straps that run under your bed, and – combined with cuffs – allow you to restrain someone in a spreadeagle position.
Over-the-door restraints go over the top of a door, and are pinned in place when the door is closed. You can then use to them to restrain someone with their hands above their head. They’re usually not suitable for bearing someone’s full bodyweight, though – for that you’d need a much better attachment point, and more comfortable and supportive wrist cuffs.
Zip ties can be used as wrist restraints, or to attach someone to something. For bondage, you want wide zip-ties- both to prevent cutting off circulation and to make them harder to break. If you can get reuseable ones, all the better-as this mitigates the risk of going too tight.
Safety shears are, again, very useful here. They make it possible to cut off tightened zip ties with minimal risk of cutting the person they’re attached to.
Bondage tape is specially designed for bondage – it sticks only to itself, and so won’t hurt the person being bound when it’s ripped off. If the person being bound is into pain, though, you can just as well use duct tape… although you should be cautious when removing it. That stuff is stickier than you think.
When it comes to bondage, restraint is key. Tying up your submissive to prevent them using certain limbs or stop their whole body from moving, rendering them completely helpless and putting them at the mercy of your desires.
The basis of any good bondage is a set of cuffs to tie your submissives’ wrists and ankles together. Just tying their hands behind their back can change your submissives’ perspective completely and plant them firmly in the head space for a BDSM scene.
This howto guide will show you how to make your own quick and easy restraints from very cheap materials. Although basic, they are surprisingly effective and comfortable long periods.
For wrist restraints, first cut your Velcro tie to a length of about 50cm. You may get by with shorter, but it’s better to start longer and trim it down at the end. Next thread the two ends through the rectangular belt loop, ensuring the softer side of the Velcro is facing inwards This forms the first hole to wrap around one wrist.
Finally stick the two Velcro ends together to form the second hole for the other wrist. And that’s it!
In use, un-stick the two ends of the Velcro, thread one wrist into the first hole, slide the rectangular belt loop along to tighten it around the wrist. Then wrap the two ends around the second wrist, pull taught and stick them together to make a second tight hole around the wrist.
As with any restraints, care for your submissives’ circulation, you should be able to just squeeze your little pinky finger between the restraint and the wrist. Additionally, throughout the scene do repeatedly re-check circulation to be safe, your submissive may not notice the numbness of losing circulation in the heat of the scene.
Ankle cuffs can be constructed in exactly the same way, just a longer length of Velcro tie. However, the fun doesn’t stop there, you can make longer restraints to tie wrists to thighs, thighs to thighs or tying limbs to your bed frame. Your imagination is the limit.
The Velcro tie is a great material to work with, it’s soft on one side, very strong when pulled laterally, cheap and very importantly, it won’t get tighter as your submissive wiggles causing circulation issues.
Couples have no shortage of sex positions to choose from when exploring bondage.
Among your secondary concerns should be some of the following…
Quality
Super-cheap restraints are available on platforms like Amazon and AliExpress, but these generally aren’t as good a deal as they seem. Suspiciously cheap bondage gear is often:
You’ll save time, money and energy by purchasing from reputable retailers.
Severity
Do you and your partner want strict restraints that absolutely cannot be escaped from? The really hardcore stainless steel stuff looks sexy, but for a lot of people it’s actually too unyielding to be enjoyable.
Many people only feel comfortable exploring bondage with restraints that they can slip out of if necessary, or with restraints that are somewhat flexible and forgiving. Strict restraints aren’t always fun; don’t waste money on them if you and your partner won’t enjoy playing with them.
Comfort
Do you want restraints to be comfortable for the person wearing them? For some masochists, the answer is a definite no – the discomfort caused by restraints is part of the fun of bondage.
For other people, however, comfort matters – especially if the restraints are to be worn for extended sessions. If that’s you, err towards padded or fur-lined restraints made from flexible materials like leather and silicone.
Ease of cleaning
If your restraints are just for you, you won’t need to totally sanitise them between uses, and so can opt for restraints that are difficult to fully clean.
If you’ll be sharing your restraints with other people, however, you’ll want to pick gear that’s more hard-wearing and wipeable. Stainless steel restraints can be sanitised, making them safe and pleasant for sharing. Fluffy handcuffs, by contrast, cannot.
Colour scheme
Even if you’re just buying one or two pieces of bondage gear right now, it’s worth looking to see if there are matching items available – you may want to expand your collection later. A matching set of cuffs and collars is more pleasing than a set that’s been pulled together hodge-podge.
]]>Japan's Bondage is very perfect and practical. It has formed an important category in culture and art. They have special training classes and schools for Bondage. Not only should men be taught how to bind them to make women more happy, but also the safety technology when you bind them, so that you can't bind people and turn them into real ones.
If you look at the pictures carefully, you will find that Japan uses a lot of ropes, which seems to be tightly bound. But it is precisely because of the tight Bondage that the pressure of the rope becomes small, and the women who are bound will not feel pain. The pleasure achieved by tying women together is very extensive. Let me first talk about how the tied women can get pleasure. People have such a phenomenon that the more they can't get it, the more they want to get it. They always want to fight against obstacles and fight for it by all means. In this process, people will show a very hard but not tired excited state. Just like I went to look for the Bondage pictures, I was very happy after so much suffering and loss.
Well, the tied women's ropes are all well-known. They are not tied in disorder. When they deliberately pass through the sensitive area of women, because they are tightly tied, they must have a slight pleasure stimulation. What makes the tied women regret is that this pleasure is fixed by the rope, which is the kind of pleasure that can not satisfy the women completely. However, this pleasure is always there, tormenting her heart, She kept trying to break away from the Bondage to realize the dripping pleasure, which was futile and helpless. It was in this struggle and helplessness that the pleasure that she wanted but could not get came. If it was the Bondage method of Thong pants, it would intensify the stimulation of women's pleasure under the situation of struggle and rubbing, and this stimulation was still fixed. In the woman's heart, her intense desire for orgasm was also a kind of pleasure, this is the first stage.
In the second stage, men began to play with the bound women slowly, which was a purposeful strengthening stimulus for women sensitive areas. Women could not bear this kind of hope and desire, which was simply unbearable torture and longing for them. However, they could not move, but could only endure and yearn, with tears in their eyes.
In the third stage, men finally broke the rope in the seam and put the electric fake in. At the moment when the electric fake was put in, the long-awaited sweet rain finally came. This is another kind of pleasure finally solved. However, the ruthless men do not let the women get the pleasure only once, and let the poor women who can't do anything to achieve orgasm constantly. After all, this is a pain caused by the pleasure, It's for them.
In the fourth stage, when the man saw that the woman really could not bear it any more, he used dick to give her a real comfort. This is a final pleasure.
This is only the physical pleasure of the bound woman, so the psychological pleasure is more delicate and extensive. It should be pointed out that this kind of Bondage is often between husband and wife, or between men and women who are extremely trusted. The bound woman naturally desires that the man love her, and the man binds her. She thinks that she loves her deeply. Why? Because a woman thinks that a man is afraid of her being taken away by other men, or that she will run away with other men, if she wants to tie her up, she can only become the man's special love. Therefore, the bound woman will have a sense of happiness, security, honor, and even be moved. This is one of the pleasures.
The other is that once tied up, women often show helplessness, helplessness, weakness, desire to cry with tears, inability to move, desire to cry and be blocked, and attract people's sympathy,
The kind of sad and sad feminine beauty that makes people pity. In this situation, the man will throw himself at the woman who is tied to the ground regardless of everything, and hold up the woman's long hair with infinite tenderness. At this time, the tied woman will have a sense of achievement and pride.
The third pleasure is that after the bound women are tied up, they have no freedom, can not resist, can not move, and can only bear. They want to know what the man will do next, but can not know. And the contradictory mood of hope, fear, worry and want to try, which is transformed from this conjecture, is also a pleasure. If this pleasure is hard to understand, You can contact your feelings towards me now, and you will understand that although I stand behind you, it will make you feel afraid, but you will never let me roll away and never want to see me again. On the contrary, I hope that this feeling of fear, joy and danger will not spread and will not dry up for a long time. Am I right? I think at least you are now. If you don't think so, but I changed you, I would think so. The fourth kind of pleasure of a bound woman is like this. Everyone has a love of beauty. Not only do men like to stare at a woman's plump breast, fat hips, thin waist and do not want to blink.
Women also know better how to maintain, develop and show that these parts can become a deadly weapon for every man. Let men bind women as they want, the waist is narrower, the breast is more prominent, and the fat buttocks are also turned into zongzi. This is also a kind of beauty that men like. Since this beauty controls the sight of men, of course, the bound women will have a pleasure of conquering men. Another kind of pleasure is the sense of shame gained by the bound women. This kind of pleasure may be difficult for you to understand, but it is easy to understand as long as you understand it as a fresh and exciting feeling.
To sum up, I think Bondage brings pleasure to the bound women through these aspects.
Now, from the perspective of being a man who likes Bondage, I will tell you how Bondage brings pleasure to women. First of all, it should be clear that Bondage is the most important part of BDSM. I personally believe that women are naturally masochistic, because this is caused by the structure of women. Its structure determines that it can only passively bear and suffer happiness or pain.
Since women are naturally prone to abuse, why don't we dig it out to meet women's needs? You may say, I don't have it at all, but the structure of women is destined for every woman. It's just that some women are too depressed, have not been developed, have not tried, and have not been awakened. It is the natural expression of human beings to make women get the maximum pleasure by being abused. I remember that I said that animals are the best at enjoying life and plants are the best at displaying beauty. Only human beings have too much oppression on themselves. Of course, there are many kinds of fun, including making contributions, but what I'm talking about now is SM, so it's a kind of love for a woman to find out the way she receives n, and Bondage is the first choice. Don't think that a man just wants to satisfy his own sensitive state and only vent on the bound woman. He should carefully observe the woman's feelings, so as to control the depth and scale of SM process at any time, without danger or damage, Don't turn it into reality, but it's just sadistic to bind women, aiming to let women taste greater pleasure in gentle and mild abuse. And it is through playing with and playing with women that a man makes the bound woman suffer a complete defeat, and he himself also gains a great sense of conquest and satisfaction.
]]>The chastity device probably needs to be custom fit. Generally, it is important to get him in the smallest cage his penis will fit in while soft so he cannot get an erection in the device. Sure, start with the one that is easy to put on. There’s a good chance it will come off eventually, even without trying. Go smaller, go much smaller, then go even smaller. The problem here will be erection and stimulation. Zero erection is the size you need – literally something as small as your husband’s smallest penis size ever. In no way do you need to worry about a device where the shaft is half an inch shorter than the length of his penis when completely flaccid. Often the original cage ordered turned out to be too wide or too long because of the man’s optimistic measurements or fear of being too confined. If you go with one that’s too big it will be unwieldy, add unnecessary weight and ultimately will be less suited to all-day every-day wear.
There are open “cage” designs and closed “tube” designs. The tube design has the advantage of restricting any access to the penis and not leaving any sensitive spots available for your husband’s touch. However, it will need to be unlocked occasionally for cleaning and skincare. An open cage design on the other hand enables the wearer to wash all bits of his penis in the shower and it allows the skin to dry after bathing or sweating. For long-time chastity I would therefore recommend an open design as it can be worn indefinitely without any need to be unlocked.
However, uncircumcised men may still require occasional removal of the cage in order to clean underneath the foreskin. If you would like your husband to get circumcised this is a good opportunity to ask him. The surgery itself is done quickly and under local anaesthesia, and it will be healed after around four weeks. Nevertheless, there are millions of uncircumcised men in chastity who report no problems at all.
Chastity devices are available in multiple materials, including stainless steel, titanium, nylon, polycarbonate, resin, and silicone rubber. Steel and titanium are the strongest and most hygienic materials as they don’t absorb any liquids or smells. However, their downside is weight: titanium weighs four times and steel eight times as much as the non-metallic materials.
Metal detectors may spot steel (but not titanium) devices. My husband has flown multiple times with a nylon device he uses specifically for travel, without setting off any alarm at the security checks.
There are different types of locks that can be used in chastity devices.
The most common lock type is a small padlock, which makes a satisfying “click” sound when you lock him and has the further advantage that your husband can lock himself without needing the key. An integrated lock, also called magic locker or keyhole blocker is smaller and hence more discreet, however it has the disadvantage that you will need the key both for unlocking and locking (instead of just for unlocking). A new type of lock called “Click & Lock” combines the advantages of the two: it is an integrated lock that can be locked without the key.
Some chastity devices offer the option of a so-called security screw, which is a uniquely designed screw that locks the device and which only unlocks with a custom key you can’t buy anywhere else. This is another discrete and lightweight option which claims to be more secure than a normal lock that can be picked quite easily.
Bluetooth locks are another option, although not yet available with most chastity devices. The advantage is that you don’t need to carry around a key because you can simply unlock the device with your phone, or even send a one-time code to your locked partner who can then use his phone to unlock the device. The downside is that you need to make sure the battery in the lock is not running empty.
Finally, there are numbered plastic seals. These can be used in lieu of a padlock, but they can only be used once and then need to be cut open with scissors. Each one has a unique printed number on it to prevent undetected tampering. Your husband can easily take the device off but he won’t be able to keep it secret from you. These locks are useful in some situations, for example for men who have to self-lock in long-distance relationships.
While a locked chastity device cannot be completely removed from his body, he will eventually figure out how to pull out his flaccid penis and masturbate behind your back, as many women found out the hard way. Once he has discovered this, chastity is just a game for him. It is not real and he not you is in control. If you feel that chastity no longer seems to be working, maybe your husband has figured out how to secretly have fun on his own. There are four approaches to increase security by preventing undetected pull-out of the penis.
The first and best is to pierce his penis so that a bar or loop can be put through it and locked to the device. He will not be able to pull his penis out unless he wants to rip out the piercing. The usual piercings used for chastity are the Prince Albert and the frenum piercing, both of which are simple to do, quick to heal, and harmless looking. There are chastity devices with a built-in piercing rod, which means that when you take the device off for sex, the piercing is gone as well, and the tiny hole on the underside of his penis is barely noticeable as the skin closes immediately when the piercing is out. A lot of the women I talked to were reluctant initially, but not a single one of them regretted having their husband’s penis pierced. The usual comment from many women was that they were sorry they had wasted time playing around with toy chastity devices.
Additional benefits of a piercing, besides security, are increased comfort and easy urination, as it makes the penis always stay in place. Normally, the penis tends to move a bit in the cage, for example after bending over, exercising, erections, or when his scrotum is loosening and tightening. A piercing makes sure that the tip of his penis is always pressed against the end of the cage as it should, thereby supporting an active, carefree lifestyle without any need to readjust the penis once in a while. For long-term chastity play, a piercing really is the way to go.
If you nevertheless don’t want your husband to be pierced, a device with a urethra plug is the next safest option. If the urethra plug is long enough is it virtually impossible to pull the penis out of the device. And even if he managed it would be absolutely impossible to re-insert the penis without unlocking, so you would know if he masturbated. The downside of this mechanism is that it’s not as quick and easy to put on because you would need to sterilize the plug and use lots of lube up to insert it. Furthermore, there is always a risk of urinary tract infections or urethral injuries.
There are also cage inserts that discourage pull-out of the penis by making it very painful, both available as optional extras to some devices or as an essential component of the chastity device. Basically, these inserts have rough surfaces or pricks that will be very painful when the glans has to go past them in a pull-out attempt. Unfortunately, they may take some time to get used to as the insert can be uncomfortable at first. Furthermore, these inserts are not as effective for uncircumcised men.
Instead of completely preventing pull-out, some devices make it very hard to correctly re-insert the penis. These devices usually work with a small ring that is placed behind the glans before the device is locked. If the penis is pulled out, the glans ring will be left behind in the cage. Putting his penis back into the cage with the glans ring correctly in place is almost impossible without unlocking. Hence, no masturbation will remain undetected.
The most popular type of chastity device by far is the “ball-trap” design, like the ones shown above. While they are not able to prevent pull-out of the unpierced penis, they can’t be removed from the “trapped” testicles without unlocking, hence the name.
There is a special type of chastity device available for pierced men, which only consists of a small cage surrounding the glans. These “glans cap” devices are a very comfortable and discreet option and even allow erections (you need to decide for yourself if you want that). They also offer great security as the piercing prevents any removal of the device.
Finally, you could go for a full belt that goes around the hips and is almost completely masturbation-proof. However, I can’t imagine them to be fully suitable for 24/7 use: Can he do sports without the belt chafing? How can he wash his penis properly? What happens if he gains weight?
]]>In today's American culture, most people consider sex before marriage normal. Movies, television shows, and popular music all reflect this permissive standard. God, however, has not rescinded the strict standard of chastity he taught in the Old and New Testaments. The Proclamation warns that "individuals who violate covenants of chastity . . . will one day stand accountable before God." Further, the Proclamation maintains that sexual permissiveness is a major contributor to the disintegration of the family. That disintegration, the Proclamation warns, "will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets".
The Proclamation's language may seem sharp to some, perhaps even offensive. But research supports its point of view.
Negative Effects of Premarital Sex and Cohabitation
Americans commonly believe that couples who engage in premarital sex or live together before marriage are more likely to create a successful marriage. In fact, studies show that both those who have sexual experiences before marriage and those who cohabitate are more likely to divorce. Cohabitation in particular is linked to lower marital commitment and a higher divorce rate. Researchers have found no benefits of cohabitation. Some speculate that cohabitation has harmful effects because it teaches a couple they can have the benefits of marriage without full commitment, which in turn fosters a type of independence that is not compatible with a healthy marriage. When the couple marries, it is difficult to unlearn this independence and create a healthy interdependent bond.
Positive Effects of Chastity Before Marriage
Researchers have found that chastity before marriage offers many benefits, including a decreased chance of psychological damage from expressing intimacy without commitment, freedom from sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and unwanted pregnancies, and an increase in marital stability and satisfaction.
Psychological Dimensions of Sexual Bonding
The basic human need for touch and physical affection is real, but even more important is the basic human need for a loving connection with others. Many people confuse their need for sexual expression with their need for love. If they attempt to connect with another person primarily through sex, chances are high the relationship will eventually deteriorate and leave psychological damage in its wake.
Jess Lair, a psychologist at Montana State University, explains that sexual experiences can be psychologically significant for individuals: "Sexual bonding includes powerful emotional, psychological, physical, and spiritual links that are so strong that the two people become one, at least for a moment. Sexual intercourse is an intense, though brief physical bonding that leaves indelible marks on the participants. . . . To believe one can walk away from a sexual experience untouched is dangerously naïve."
Recent research may have discovered the physiological basis for this deep bonding--a hormone called oxytocin. This hormone is released in both women and men during sexual orgasm. It promotes an attachment between the two individuals that is likely to grow with each sexual exchange. Since most unmarried couples will break up, it is psychologically unsafe for them to engage in sexual activity. Perhaps this is one reason God has benevolently commanded "that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife".
Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs)
According to the Center for Disease Control, approximately 333 million new cases of STDs are reported in the world each year. The cost for health care to treat STDs is about $17 billion per year in the United States alone. Anyone who begins a sexual relationship believing "it can't happen to me" risks his or her health--and possibly his or her life.
There are dozens of STDs, some mild and others lethal. Common STDs include syphilis, gonorrhea, pelvic inflammatory disease, genital warts, genital herpes, chlamydia, and AIDS or HIV. A few STDs are particularly dangerous to women. Human papilloma virus, for example, the most common STD in the world, rarely causes symptoms in men but can cause cervical cancer in women. About 99.7 percent of all cervical cancer cases are caused by this STD. In addition, women are much more likely than men to become infected with HIV through heterosexuals.
The best way to ensure you never get and STD is to abstain from sex before marriage and to marry someone who also has abstained.
For a longer discussion of STDs, see the accompanying expanded article.
Unwanted Pregnancies and Abortion
Unwanted pregnancies are a huge problem today, especially among teenagers. The negative effects impact the mother, the child, and society in general.
Children born to unwed mothers have, on average, lower birth weights and more complications at birth. Unwed mothers are more likely to drink alcohol, which can permanently damage their babies. Single mothers and their children are more likely to live in poverty than married women and their children. The children of teenaged mothers are more likely to be incarcerated than children with more mature parents.
In many cases, the double burden of providing both parenting and financial support is too much for one person to handle. Two parents are better able to care for a child than one. Once again, the Proclamation offers wise counsel: “Children are entitled to birth within the bounds of matrimony."
Society, too, pays a huge cost because of unwed pregnancies. Half of our nation’s welfare funding goes to families created by teenaged pregnancies.
Effects of Chastity on Marital Stability and Satisfaction
Couples who remain chaste before marriage report greater satisfaction in their marriages than those who were sexually active before marriage. Their marriages are more stable and more fulfilling. Researchers have even found that couples who did not have sex before marriage report greater sexual fulfillment after marriage than those who had premarital sex.
Teaching Children the Principle of Chastity
Without deliberate counter measures, children will tend to soak up the messages they’re getting from all quarters that sex before marriage is normal and acceptable. Thus parents must make a concerted effort to teach their children there is a better way. Here are some practical ideas to help you in this effort:
Practical Ideas for Teens and Young Adults
Teenagers and young adults should carefully think through how they intend to behave with members of the opposite sex. They should anticipate what situations might becoming challenging for them and practice strategies for resisting temptation. Here are some practical ideas to help teens remain chaste:
Even if your mind is constantly focused on your locked-up dick, don’t assume your Mistress feels the same. Work for her attention, let her know that you are capable of thinking about her needs and not just your own. Setting the mood for sex, pleasure or romance shouldn’t only start in the bedroom.
If your Mistress is anything like me, I guarantee the work you put in beforehand will pay off in intensifying her pleasure later.
When it’s time to start touching her body make sure you don’t get yourself worked up too soon. There’s a chance she may wish to use you later and it’s important for that to remain an option.
Indulge and relax her, remembering to keep it sensual. Now is not the time to work out her knots with a sports massage or provide a sleep-inducing aromatherapy session. Those times will come but today you are focusing on arousal and pleasure. Take your time to gradually and deliberately undress her and/or help her slip into something that makes her feel sexy. Now you can begin to erotically massage her body.
The ideal position to give a massage is standing at the side of your partner while she is lying down on her front, allowing easy access to her whole body. However, chances are you don’t own a professional massage table and it is therefore important to give some thought to how you position yourself. A bed can actually work very well for a more intimate massage session but you should remain aware of your own body as well as that of your partner. Straddling your Mistress will give you good access to her back and shoulders but unless you are skilled in holding your own weight, this can be a very uncomfortable position for the receiver. A better option is to kneel to one side of her and concentrate on the areas within your current reach, repositioning yourself as you move up and down her body. Consciously vary the amount of contact your body has with hers depending on which part of her you are focusing on and the pressure of your hands. For example, sweeping your fingertips softly over her lower back while holding your body away from hers slightly will encourage her to focus solely on the sensation of your fingers. Using your whole palms and forearms to press and knead between her shoulders while drawing your body close against her enables you to use your weight to deepen the massage.
I recommend starting at her feet. Position yourself at the end of the bed, massage her feet with gentle kisses and explore whether she enjoys her feet and toes being sucked or licked. Does she prefer a gentle pressure or something firmer? Depending on her sensitivity, a very light touch may prompt a ticklish sensation. Pay attention to how her body responds to this and vary the pressure accordingly. Encourage her to lay face down on the bed so you can begin to work up her legs. Take your time caressing the delicate skin between her thighs. Trace faint lines with your fingertips, hovering near to but not directly touching her vulva. Be lighter and more gentle than you think.
Move up to her back and shoulders. At this point, if you’ve done a good job, one of two things will happen: she’ll stop you right there and insist you begin to sexually pleasure her immediately (do not protest, she is in control) or she’ll start thinking about it and be a little disappointed that your touch has moved away.
Start at her shoulders and give them plenty of attention before gradually making your way down her back towards her bum. At the shoulders you can be deep and firm in your touch as she’ll likely be holding a lot of tension there but become lighter and more delicate again as you move back down her body. Show her that you have range, that you have control over your actions. Be intentional.
Once you reach her lower back begin to kiss her gently at the part where her bum and back meet. Run your hands down her sides, coming to a halt when you firmly (but gently) grab her hips and use them to lower yourself down so that she can feel your breath, warm and needing against her lips.
In one slow but steady motion, run your tongue between her labia and gauge her level of arousal. Is her clit already swollen? How noticeably wet is she? Has her scent changed as her arousal levels build? Listen to her body and learn what it is that she wants and likes.
While this can be a very enjoyable position to receive oral sex, many women are more comfortable laid on their back. If this is the case for your woman, assist her in rolling over. Make sure she’s comfortable. Does she have enough pillows? Is she warm enough? Perhaps place a pillow under her lower back, angling her hips upwards allowing you better access to pleasure her and eliminating the need for her to support herself. Your woman is in control, remind her of that. If she’d rather straddle your face and have more power over her pleasure then enable that.
Take time to check in. Words can be sexy, silence can be daunting. Do what feels right in the moment and for her specifically, there is no formula to what each woman likes. If talking is her thing then ask her how she feels and if there’s anything she’d like. Is she happy for you to continue? Remind her that right now is all about her and that you’re excited to bring her pleasure and you want to be shown exactly how she likes it.
If she’s open to it, you can encourage her to demonstrate what she most enjoys with her hands and then replicate this with your own hands or tongue. Make sure to regularly assess whether her body language is relaxed and ask occasionally, but not too often, if you are doing it right. Is there anything you could do better? Ask what she’d like you to do. Listen and do as you are told.
By now your cock will undoubtedly be screaming for attention, tensing hard against its prison bars. All you want is to feel her touch, to be allowed inside her, to have something, anything. But now is not your time.
If she doesn’t enjoy, or doesn’t feel like, giving you direct orders then try some of these actions (laid on her back, hips angled slightly up is how I imagine her to be, but tailor the following to whatever is possible/pleasurable in her current orientation):
Check in, don’t get too carried away. Keep an eye on how her body responds to each of these gestures. Take more time over the things she visibly, audibly and palpably responds best to.
Remember to listen. I know this may be a lot of information for you to digest all at once but, as the superior sex, us women have high expectations. If you want to prove yourself as the perfect chastity slave, you’ll need to pay close attention and work on this. If you want her to ever consider unlocking your cage again, you damn sure better let her know just how attentive you can be.
Keep up your energy and momentum and, if permitted, express how much you enjoy satisfying your goddess with the occasional moan or sigh of pleasure. Encourage her to orgasm and, if desired, repeat the above until she comes again (and again, and again…). Explore the use of a dildo to fuck her like you wish you could or a vibrator pressed gently against her clitoris and/or inserted. Ask her what pleases her and spend as long as it takes to ensure she is completely and utterly satisfied.
Should your Mistress desire a more penetrative experience, don’t be fooled into thinking there is any chance she’ll want your penis inside of her. You’ll remain locked in your cage throughout but there are other options for satisfying her. Strap-on sex is wonderful and can be enjoyed in many ways by all genders. In this case, you’ll be the one wearing the harness and providing your woman with the satisfaction that you could only dream of giving her with your own dick.
Be sure to choose a harness and dildo that works for you both and fits comfortably around your cage. This is a conversation best had prior to bedroom fun.
Make sure not to spend too much time away from your Mistress while you put on the harness. With a little practice, it’s possible to put on a harness one-handed so you can keep your other hand in contact with her, gently caressing her to keep the mood going. If this is impractical, you can either use two hands and make a show of it or give her a vibrator to enjoy herself while you fasten the harness in place.
Don’t be too eager. Return to stimulating her once more with your fingers and/or tongue to build anticipation. When she is well-lubricated and relaxed, hold the base of the dildo as you slide inside her. Use your hand to gauge the depth and don’t immediately thrust all the way in but take it slowly and gently. The more your goddess relaxes, the more pleasurable it’ll feel for her to be filled. Start slowly, with the addition of lubricant if required, gradually picking up the pace and finding a rhythm that works with her body.
Strap-on sex works in a variety of positions and, as most dildos are curved slightly upwards to imitate the shape of a penis, an added benefit is that the attachment can be adjusted or rotated in any direction (curved upwards, downwards or even to one side) depending on the angle of penetration and what feels good for her body.
No doubt by now your own penis will be straining and throbbing with jealousy in its cage, desperate to be the one inside her, begging for touch. But don’t let this distract you. You are a toy designed entirely for her pleasure, your own needs are not to be addressed.
Continue pleasuring your Mistress with the strap-on dildo and consider using a vibrator on her clitoris at the same time. Hands-free vibrators like the We-vibe can supply added pleasure both internally and externally as you penetrate her but be cautious not to get carried away using all the toys in the box. Sometimes simplicity is best and your hands should now be well-trained in massaging her clitoris to orgasm.
When your woman is fully satisfied, slowly withdraw the strap-on dildo and turn off any vibrators. Be gentle but precise with your touch; her body will be incredibly sensitive and you want her to remain in that orgasmic bliss for as long as possible.
Your cock will be disappointed. It desperately craved her attention, your attention, anyone’s attention and it got no more than the occasional sensation of the duvet fabric brushing past the outside of your cage. If your body was disobedient and leaked pre-cum during the experience, ensure it is cleaned up. Beg for your Mistress’s permission to lick it up and change the sheets if needed. Remember next time to be prepared with a towel underneath you to ensure she has no indication whatsoever of your pleasure - surely I don’t need to remind you again that this is not about you.
*If you plan to use any kind of sex toys, it’s advisable to stick to water-based lube as silicone lubricants can interfere with silicone toys. If you accidentally destroy her favourite dildo you’ve got no chance of ever having your cock unlocked! No, that is not the way to get that outcome. Lubricant can be used during any kind of sex, including oral, however even the best brands won’t compare to her natural taste. Check in with her and, where appropriate, gently ask if she would like more lube. Just picking up the bottle can function as a more indirect way of posing the question, to which a simple nod or shake of her head will be sufficient indication of her preference.
]]>Chastity belts in BDSM may be used as part of a practice of orgasm control, to prevent the wearer from engaging principally in sexual intercourse without the permission of the dominant, who acts as "keyholder". A chastity belt will also prevent other sexual activity such as masturbation and oral sex involving the wearer's genitals. Chastity belts may be worn by both men and women as part of BDSM play. A chastity belt may be worn for the duration of a sex play, for a limited period or as a long-term arrangement.
What are Chastity belts used for?
The wearer of the belt is regarded as the submissive in a BDSM relationship. This is a part of the wider practice of orgasm denial. Some claim it increases submissiveness in men. It has often been reported that when worn, the chastity belt frequently evokes sexual frustration in the wearer.
The putting on of a chastity belt, by a partner, is an indication of the dominance by the "keyholder" over the wearer's sexual activities. By accepting the chastity belt the wearer accepts surrender of control over their sexual behavior to a partner, who may grant permission to the wearer to engage in sexual activity by removing the belt. The dominant may decide when, where, how, how often, and even if, the submissive is allowed sexual release.
Most modern belt designs cannot prevent wearers from physically touching their genitals but they do usually prevent masturbation. Penis cages may hold the penis firmly but they may also be loose and, although intercourse is rendered impossible, they may make manual stimulation, even to orgasm, a possibility. The most effective masturbation prevention requires design features that incorporate genital piercings or full tight encapsulation of the genital area.
Female chastity belts
Modern chastity belts for women generally follow the traditional "Florentine" pattern, with a band around the waist or hips and a "shield" that runs between the legs to cover the genitals.
Modern belts usually are made with features and accessories to accommodate erotic fantasy and BDSM play. For example, a slot in the shield may hold a dildo inside the wearer's vagina, which cannot be removed except by the keyholder. Some have a perforated cover over this slot to prevent the wearer from being pinched when sitting. The cover may also prevent direct masturbation by preventing access to the labia. Anal shields which forcibly retain butt plugs inside the wearer are a common accessory. The shield can be designed to work with genital piercings for greater security.
Female chastity devices are in demand, but sanitary constraints keep them from being practical for long term wear. On belts intended for long-term wear, the shield must accommodate the wearer's hygienic needs:
Male chastity belts
Chastity belts of the so-called Florentine type also exist for men. As in the standard Florentine design, a circular horizontal band encircles the waist and a shield is attached to the front of the waist belt. The shield extends downwards to cover the genital areas of the wearer and is attached to the back of the waist belt. For male belts, a penis tube is secured behind the front shield. In some designs, the testicles are covered by special cages. Most high-security chastity belts are made out of stainless steel, although fiberglass composite belts have also been made. Most belt designs are secured with padlocks. For travel a plastic device with a numbered plastic seal. The more secure designs have their padlocks' shackles hidden to make cutting the shackle difficult or impossible. Male devices are mostly external and the ability to make them secure makes them more popular.
Chastity cages
A popular type of chastity device for men is commonly referred to as a chastity cage, penis cage, or chastity tube. They are almost exclusively used as a sex toy and in BDSM play, and may enclose a man's penis in order to make an erection uncomfortable or impossible if the man becomes sexually aroused, and prevent sexual intercourse, masturbation, oral sex involving the wearer's genitals and some other forms of sexual activity. A chastity cage may be combined with toys such as a shock collar or ball crusher.
Most chastity cages consist of a ring seated around the base of the penis behind the scrotum and a tube or penis cage that holds the penis, with the two parts mating together with a hinge or pin. The penis cage is designed so that the penis inside cannot be stimulated directly with hands and fingers. The tip of the penis cage is perforated to allow urine to pass and the design may incorporate vents to facilitate long-term wearing and cleaning. The flaccid penis is inserted into the cage and is held at a downwards angle so as to make an erection uncomfortable or impossible. Some designs have an extra short penis cage into which the penis may be squeezed to restrict it even more than in a regular penis cage. Other designs incorporate a tip covering the glans through which a catheter is fixed, and the tip is then secured by short straps which confine the penis and are fixed to the ring seated behind the scrotum.
The ring and cage are usually secured together with a lock or with a tamper-evident plastic security seal. When the device is locked, the testicles are trapped in the gap between the ring and the penis cage which is narrow enough to prevent the testicles and penis from being pulled out. The testicles are usually held in a fixed position, exposed beneath the cage although some designs have an additional cup that prevents easy access to the entire genital area.
Chastity cages can be manufactured out of a strong plastic material such as polycarbonate, ABS, or they may be made from silicone which greatly reduces their cost and weight compared with stainless steel versions. New information implies that caution should be taken before using a device made from BPA containing plastics such as polycarbonate. A device made from ABS plastic is a safer alternative to polycarbonate plastic due to polycarbonate leaching BPA through long term contact with the skin. BPA can cause an estrogen response in men leading to hormone imbalances and possible shrinkage of the penis through the leaching of endocrine disrupting chemicals directly through the skin.
Most chastity cages are intended for long-term or indefinite wear and may include a lock with keys retained by a key-holder, or a plastic locking device which incorporates an identity number so that the wearer may be locked by a remote key-holder. When combined with such a tamper-evident plastic seal, plastic chastity cages permit easier access through airport security or other security restricted areas that require passage through metal detectors.
Safety
A chastity cage must be properly sized, fitted and adjusted in order to be secure and not damage the genitals. Ring size and spacing are the two most important adjustments that can be made. A ring that is too tight will cut off blood flow while one that is too loose will not be secure. Metal chastity belts and chastity cages intended for long term wear should be made out of medical grade stainless steel or titanium, to reduce the risks of metal allergies and metal toxicity.
Penile strangulation, as a result of not being able to remove a device placed around the penis (not necessarily a chastity belt), has occurred in a wide spectrum of age groups, so care must be taken to avoid constriction with a chastity belt. In 2008, an incident was reported of a man having to be cut free from a titanium chastity device after losing the keys, due to pressure on the genitals.
One of the most common misconceptions is that chastity cages will stop erections from happening. While they will control erections, they will not stop them as to do this you would have to stop blood flow to the penis.
]]>“Male chastity is not just for celibates. I researched the topic and interacted with several chaste males before and after writing my book about submissive men. And learned these devices are increasingly being worn by oversexed males, usually submissive, who think they should “lock it away” for their own good. Such men with a frequent need to orgasm find male chastity initially challenging, yet ultimately satisfying.
Are you here for the first time wondering why a man would ever lock up his prized anatomical possession? It's an understandable question. Maybe you've heard the terminology and searched it out, perhaps arriving here is just largely down to chance, whatever the reason, yes it's a thing and there is a surprising amount of people exploring it!
Curiosity is a powerful thing. When a seed starts to develop in the mind, sooner or later that itch needs scratched. Exposure to the mere concept of chastity and the various dynamics that run hand in hand with it will for many, start them on a journey, eventually ending in trying on a chastity cage.
When that day arrives, it may be a sensation overload, mentally and physically, it has the potential to be transformative experience. But what exactly takes people from curiosity to keeping it on. What is the motivation and benefit of wearing a chastity device?
For those in a relationship it's often about creating a higher level of devotion to your partner. The powerful concoction of chemicals in your head will take you from being nonchalant to devoted chaste partner. This particular effect can be a great source of bonding in a relationship, strengthening a deeper bond with your partner who is now also your keyholder.
Then there are those who self lock. Often for the excitement or even a sense of wanting to push themselves. Testing how long they can last through iron will before letting themselves out. Sometimes even just to study what happens when they are locked up. How the feel, what they think.. all in the name of science right? Either way we couldn't be happier for anyone who gives it a shot.
Some will even use it to avoid sexual distractions. Too much masterbation? Then lock it up, force yourself to dial it down for a while. Whatever your reason we'd recommend trying it at least once to see what all the fuss is about.
Even more submissive men would choose chastity if they could only find willing keyholders. John’s wife knows he’s in chastity and how another woman holds his key, but believes her husband’s behavior to be merely juvenile. This wife has little patience for exploring her spouse’s sexuality, yet doesn’t want to disrupt their marriage, family, or comfortable lifestyle.
So what does the keyholder get out of this unconventional relationship? The keyholder’s mantra is, “Control the orgasm and you control the man.” Wearing male chastity devices was initially embraced by dominant women to ensure a man’s fidelity, make him more compliant, eager to do her bidding. But these days, men are also locking themselves up to thwart frequent masturbation!
How can you tell whether a guy is wearing a chastity belt without undressing him?
His jeans are way too baggy, but he’s not hiding a weapon. Maybe those oversized chinos with the waist pleats are sign that he’s stuck in the eighties. Or he could be wearing a chastity belt! Consider there have been several million units sold. And these stainless steel, silicone, or polycarbonate plastic devices are trending way more than those sloppy trousers.
He’s edgy and seems to have ants in his pants. A guy who’s bound down there may be physically uncomfortable. Though all male chastity devices perform the same function, each model is different. Finding the right style and fit can be daunting. They’re often either too tight or too loose. As they can’t be tried on in sex shops for sanitary reasons, these items are mainly sold online…making that perfect fit fairly elusive. Because men often order the wrong ring size, savvy subs first buy an inexpensive set of plastic sizing rings (which come in different circumferences) before ordering a specially sized, nonreturnable item for several hundred dollars.
He’s not a hug bug. Men who wear chastity devices usually pull away with their pelvises (but not their torsos) when you give them a friendly hug. They wonder whether women can “feel something down there.” As most chastity models are quite solid and are secured by a sizable metal lock, theirs is a realistic concern. But these guys are actually satisfied by having a subversive secret that could be accidentally and easily detected.
He needs his privacy in the men’s room. This fellow invariably makes a beeline for enclosed stalls and never uses the urinals. He’s well aware how a wayward glance from a nearby officemate would wreak havoc with his reputation.
His trousers are spot-on. If you’ve occasionally noticed a small spot on the front of his pants, it might not be from a sweating Slurpee cup. It could be where fluid has leaked from the urinator hole in his chastity device. Male chastity belts may put a kibosh on orgasms, but not the fluid that can dribble out when he becomes aroused.
He’s practically champing at the bit. This guy always seems overly eager to see his lady because…she’s his keyholder! Often highly sexed or a habitual masturbator, he’s on edge about whether or not she’ll unlock him and possibly allow him to orgasm. It’s not the promise of a release that drives him wild, but the uncertainty. Begging for an orgasm is a major turn-on for submissive men in active chastity.
He’s putty in her hands. Keyholders like to play games with men in chastity - not mind games, but child-like games, such as games of chance. The winner gets to have a release, or to deny one. Men who’ve caged their genitals crave willful women who relish having control over when their guy can orgasm. Ceding power to a strong woman not only excites the submissive male but keeps him coming back for more.
His performance has improved recently. Many men maintain that being in chastity gives them increased energy and focus, helps them function at a higher level, and curbs the compulsion to masturbate several times a day. This holds true even if chastity is self-imposed.
Although keyholders can crow about how their chaste male is made to “suffer for them”, for most submissive men, being in forced chastity is preferable to penetrating a woman. And it’s a means to end their obsessive masturbation.
]]>What Is a Ball Gag?
A gag is any sex toy, commonly used by those engaging in BDSM sex play, that's placed inside the wearer's mouth to prevent them from speaking normally. A ball gag is a specific type of gag with a spherical object—usually a silicone or rubber ball—that is strapped into a person’s mouth, and secured with belt-like leather straps that wrap around the back of the head.
A ball gag may cause the wearer to drool uncontrollably and will prevent them from speaking, but they can still make indiscernible noises like moans and grunts. When using a ball gag during BDSM roleplay, the gag-wearer is traditionally considered the submissive partner while the other ungagged participant is the dominant partner.
Here are some important safety tips that will set you up for success when using your ball gag.
A ball gag is actually just one type of mouth gag commonly used in BDSM roleplay. Here's a breakdown of the main types of mouth gags to help you decide which is right for you.
Cuffs/Handcuffs are:
With the same purpose in mind, wrist or ankle cuffs surround the appendage to hold a person [securely] in place. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.
Basic cuffs are inexpensive and functional for basic bondage. Snaps, zippers, and adjustment points make for safe and comfortable bondage exploration. These can be made of simple leather, nylon, or neoprene. These can come in sets that also include tie-down straps to be used in bed, for example.
Under the bed restraint kit
Usually a D-shaped ring is included on the cuff which allows for rope or a “panic snap” (see Hardware explanation) hook attachment. The extra attachment point/points can be useful for situations where you want to immobilize someone on more than one axis; Utilize other hardware/gear, such as spreader bars, to hold the person’s hands or feet apart.
These are durable, dynamic, and a nice in-between nylon and metal handcuffs. Please remember that leather requires treatment and cleaning. Should you choose cuffs that are lined, things that will clean cloth may ruin your leather and vice versa.
Secret Pleasures takes pride in providing quality products. The cuffs featured above are from Bare Leatherworks, which also create handmade Small Size Cuffs. These fit smaller frames and smaller wrists/ankles. Safety, security, comfort in mind!
Intermediate Players
The first few things that I always tell people when they inquire about [locking] cuffs or handcuffs is this:
They are relatively inexpensive and not difficult to locate or use. Much like anything, they also have a few drawbacks. One drawback being the hard material. Injury or nerve damage can occur should someone pull/place pressure on them. These are a poor option for any sort of scenario where struggle/squirming will be involved (see suspension cuffs below as an alternative!) If your arm, for example, is flat against a bed and in a handcuff, that is ideal. If your arm is affixed via handcuff off of a surface and your arm is being held up by the cuff, this can cut off circulation. If they are tightened too far they can also become quite painful/cut off circulation to the valued appendage. No bueno!
“I want my handcuffs and I want them now!”
Ask and ye shall receive! You can use handcuffs, no one is stopping you. Just use proper handcuffs that are double locking (think police style handcuffs). They are equipped with a lock that prevents them from closing all of the way - put them on and set the lock to prevent them from tightening any further.
*If you are insistent upon using fur-lined handcuffs, please remember:
Unconventional (Advanced / Paladin with 18 Charisma)
Grip Cuffs
**This is an explanation of the style of cuffs you can use during suspension. It is not an explanation of how to suspend someone or what other gear is required for a successful suspension**
Suspension bondage is a form of sexual bondage where a bound person is hung from one or more overhead suspension points. Suspension bondage is considered to carry a higher risk than other forms of bondage.
NOTE: Normal cuffs should never be used to suspend a person or to support a person's weight. A great deal of force is concentrated over a small area. If you want to utilize cuffs to bear your partners weight, you will need special-designed suspension cuffs (wrap-around cuffs or grip cuffs, for example).
Wrap-around cuffs consist of a wide band that wraps around (hence the name) wearer’s wrist and hand to support their weight. A grip cuff is a more conventional style cuff that is attached to a handle that the wearer can hold.
The entire weight of the person is supported by these cuffs. They can be used to completely suspend someone off of the ground - This can be quite intense. Not only is there pressure on the wrists and shoulders, tension is also put on the chest cavity and muscles surrounding the chest which is compressed. This makes it difficult for people in this bondage position to breathe, thus leading to possible suffocation.
Most kinksters are crafty, resourceful people. Therefore, in true kink fashion, suspension cuffs can be used for struggle play/resistance play or for “squirmy” partners. You can pull on them without nerve damage, loss of circulation, or accidental tightening of the cuff/handcuff occurring. Yay for safety!
Swivel Eye Panic Snap
“Panic Snaps”
A type of fastener designed to be unhooked even if a weight is bearing down on it. These unsnap from themselves making play safer as well as removal of gear easier, should the person need/want to be freed quickly. Safeword/signal occurs, unsnap, and go.
Double-Ended Snap Hook
These make for a quick way to hook a set of cuffs to almost anything, including straps, eyebolts, hogtie sets, under-the-bed restraints, etc.
Carabiner
Locking Carabiner
Carabiner
These are a fast and versatile way to fasten restraints to a single point.
Other handy uses:
Leather cuffs are bracelets made entirely from leather which fit closely to the wrist. These cuffs are a basic yet interesting accessory perfect for any outfit style. Made from genuine or faux leather, these cuffs boast longevity and durability with a fashion-forward look.
What Are Leather Cuffs?
A leather cuff is a bracelet style made of either faux or genuine leather which fits closely to the wearer’s wrist. Typically, these are made entirely from leather and designed to either slip on and off the wrist or fasten with a tie. These accessories can also fasten with metal clasps for both ease and decorative purposes. Made for any gender or style, leather cuffs are a bold accessory choice made to last a lifetime.
Leather cuffs are a bold accessory choice made to last a lifetime.
The History of Leather Cuffs
Leather cuffs have a long history. Leather has been used by many cultures to serve as a connection to nature and animals while serving as a signifier of an important member of a community or tribe. Ancient cultures considered leather a luxury reserved for nobility and those who served their country – Ancient Egyptian nobility wore leather cuffs as a status symbol, and ancient Greek soldiers wore leather cuffs as part of their uniforms. Leather’s durable properties have cemented the reputation of leather cuffs as a symbol of strength, practicality, and taste in fashion history.
Types of Leather Cuffs
Leather cuffs are available for any gender or style choice, in many different sizes, colors, and materials!
General
Women’s leather cuffs tend to be smaller, thinner, or more embellished than a traditional leather cuff. They often fasten with metal buckles or clasps for a subdued metal accent, but can also be found in a more traditional cuff style which wraps and fits closely around the wrist. Many women’s leather cuff bracelets fit like a traditional cuff, which hugs the wrist without any clasp or closure. These bracelets may be leather-wrapped metal or simply heavy treated leather. Women’s leather cuffs often feature beautiful embellishment, achieved through hand-tooling, intricate dyework or painting, or metalcraft and jewelry accents.
Mens Leather Cuff Bracelet
Men’s leather cuff bracelets are traditionally wide, bold accessories made from thick leather. These bracelets typically close or fasten with snaps or a tie, and may feature minimal embellishment with tooling or metal accents. Men’s cuffs resemble the rugged leather cuffs used throughout history with their simple lines and wider shape. Men’s cuffs can be embellished, though this decoration is typically quite bold – metal accents like rivets, studs, or even spikes are common. Bonded leather decoration may also be common, lending an interesting artisan look to the cuff bracelet.
Wide Leather Cuff Bracelet
Wide leather cuff bracelets are a more traditional style of leather bracelet. These accessories are often quite simple and made from a single wide piece of leather. Wide leather cuffs are fitted to the wrist and typically do not feature much, if any, embellishment, instead opting for a bold, modern look. Wide leather cuffs might fit around the wrist like a traditional cuff, or may wrap and fasten with snaps, buttons, or ties. Typically, wider leather cuffs are also made of thick leather, making them a durable accessory that will hold up to daily wear.
Leather Wrist Guards
Leather wrist guards are wide, thick leather cuffs that extend past the wrist and cover part of the forearm. As their name suggests, these accessories are designed to protect the wrist from injury or exposure while working outdoors.
Alternatives Names/Variations
Womens Black Leather Cuff Bracelet
Women’s black leather cuff bracelets are a classier, bolder version of a traditional brown or natural leather cuff. Black leather lends itself to more formal occasions and sets the perfect stage for embellishment or jewel work. Women’s cuffs are typically thinner than men’s and made from softer leather.
Black Leather Wristband
Black leather wristbands are an edgy and bold yet classy version of a traditional natural leather cuff. Black leather works with almost any style choice, from formal to professional to weekend casual.
Wide Leather Wristbands
Wide leather wristbands derive their appearance from the leather cuffs and wristbands worn throughout history. With a strong, bold appearance, wide leather wristbands also tend to be made from thicker leather, making them extremely durable.
Western Leather Cuffs
Western leather cuffs are either true cowboy cuffs (meant to protect and stabilize the wrists and forearms during farm work and other manual labor) or fashion accessories inspired by these functional cuffs. These accessories extend past the wrists to mid-forearm, providing a utilitarian look.
Leather Forearm Bands
Leather forearm bands are used to protect the forearms during a variety of manual labor tasks. Those who work with abrasive materials outdoors, on farms, and even those who perform some artisan labor use leather forearm bands to protect themselves from injury.
Decorative/Custom
Personalized Leather Cuff Bracelet
Personalized leather cuffs are a popular choice due to their longevity, wearability, and luxe feel. Personalized cuffs can be embossed, embellished, hand-tooled, or feature a personalized metal tag or plate.
Leather Cuff Bracelet With Metal Plate
Leather cuffs that are made to be personalized often feature a metal plate designed to be embossed, embellished, or otherwise personalized. These leather plates can be small or large depending on the style of the bracelet. Depending on the metal used, a plate can add to the durability of the bracelet.
Studded Leather Cuff Bracelet
Studded leather cuff bracelets feature metal studs as embellishment. These studs come in an array of shapes and sizes, which affects the style of the accessory. A small design made from delicate round studs is a feminine take on the technique, while a cuff covered in large, spiky studs lends a bold, edgy look to the bracelet.
Custom Leather Cuff Bracelet/Custom Leather Wristbands
Custom leather cuffs of wristbands may be personalized, designed to the wearer’s specifications, or may just be made to precisely fit the wearer. Whatever the case, a custom leather cuff ensures that the wearer has a unique accessory made for them specifically.
DIY Leather Cuff Bracelet
Leather cuffs may be one of the easiest DIY leather projects! Armed with leather, a fastener, and proper tools, anyone can make their own leather cuff. Using leather tools to puncture leather and slide cord through creates a custom leather wrapped cuff, while using snaps created a secure snapped bracelet. Leather cuffs can also be made by wrapping thin leather strips around a metal cuff.
Leather cuffs may be one of the easiest DIY leather projects!
What to Look for in a Leather Cuffs
What To Look For | Why? |
Size | Leather cuffs are meant to fit closely to the wrist. For this reason, many styles are sold based on wrist measurements, which can be found easily with the help of a measuring tape. |
Width | Leather cuffs come in a variety of widths, so the best width is up to the wearer. Wider cuffs give a bold, strong vibe, while slimmer cuffs fit with an elegant, classic style. |
Thickness of Material | When it comes to leather, material thickness will determine how stiff an accessory will be. A cuff made from thick leather will be stiff and durable, while a cuff made from thinner leather will be softer, but more delicate. |
Where to Buy Leather Cuffs
Leather cuff bracelets are widely available for all genders and styles.
Online retailers like Amazon, fast fashion retailers like Forever 21, and department stores like Target offer leather bracelets and cuffs made from faux leather. These options are low-cost, but lack the durability of genuine leather.
Higher-end fast fashion retailers like Zara, high-end department stores like Nordstrom, and designers offer genuine leather bracelets and cuffs for all genders. These options can be expensive, but will last a lifetime if made from genuine leather.
Artisans and specialty leather retailers guarantee quality craftsmanship and materials, ensuring a long-lasting, fashionable accessory.
Helpful Insights:
How do you wear a leather cuff bracelet?
A leather cuff bracelet is worn close to the wrist. It can be worn with any style or outfit.
How do you make a leather cuff bracelet?
A leather cuff bracelet can be made easily using leather and snaps. An even simpler solution is a cuff made from leather and cord, fastened by creating holes in the leather, sliding the cord through, and tying the bracelet to fit the wrist.
What does it mean when a man wears a leather bracelet?
Leather cuff bracelets are often viewed as a practical, masculine accessory for men. Wearing a leather bracelet means that a man wants to stand out and be viewed as a bold, confident individual.
What are cowboy cuffs for?
Cowboy cuffs are extremely wide leather cuffs covering the wrist and part of the upper arm. These accessories feature both snap and tie closure for a proper fit. The cuffs are worn to protect against the elements and the daily hazards of working on a farm and caring for livestock.
What does a black leather bracelet mean?
Black leather does not have any inherent meaning in today’s world. However, choosing a black leather bracelet over a more natural tone may be a conscious decision to wear an accessory that will be perceived as bold, edgy, or high-fashion.
Why do cowboys wear wrist cuffs?
Leather has been used by many cultures to serve as a connection to nature and animals while serving as a signifier of an important member of a community or tribe. Cowboys wear wrist cuffs to protect their arms and wrists from injury while working outdoors on farms and with livestock. These accessories also serve as protection from the elements while working outdoors.
How do you wear wrist cuffs?
Wrist cuffs can be worn with any style or outfit, but different wrist cuff styles may work best with different outfits for different occasions. For instance, a bold, wide leather cuff works best for casual outfits, while a delicate and embellished cuff complements a professional or semi formal look.
How do you make leather bracelets out of old belts?
An old belt can be transformed into a bracelet quite simply, using heavy-duty metal snaps, a snap toolkit, and some patience. Snaps and snap tools can be found at any basic craft store, with snaps available in varying weights and sizes. Using a belt to make a leather cuff is as easy as cutting the belt, attaching the snap, and wearing!
The type of leather cuff you wear can be a highly personal choice. With so many available, that can reflect personality, functional needs, taste, and style, it’s highly likely you’ll find one that fits well and looks great.
Related Topics
Can you shower with a leather bracelet?
While you can technically shower with a leather bracelet thanks to leather’s water resistant properties, it is not recommended that you do this daily because repeated exposure to large amounts of water can permanently damage leather.
What wrist do you wear a bracelet on?
Bracelets can be worn on either wrist. Choosing which wrist to wear a bracelet on is up to the wearer, depending on other accessories, outfit choice, or simple preference.
It’s not just a kinky fantasy though. Using butt plugs during sex can actually make sex even better!
So let’s get back to basics, and show you the best ways to take your butt plugs into the bedroom!
WHICH BUTT PLUG?
Luckily, there isn’t a specific type of plug that you need to use during sex. You can use whichever one you want.
There are a couple of things to bear in mind though.
As always, any butt plugs you wear during sex should have a base that stops it getting completely sucked into your anus. All bases aren’t made equal though. Round, flared bases can cause a lot of chafing if you’re going to be moving around a lot.
Depending on your bedroom activities, you might find it much more comfortable to use a plug with a t-bar base. These nestle neatly between your butt cheeks, causing a lot less rubbing against your skin.
Size might also be a useful consideration for you, again depending on how active you are in the bedroom. If you move around a lot, or have particularly vigorous sex, then larger plugs may be more uncomfortable.
PREPARATION - TALK, FOREPLAY, AND TAKING IT STEADY...
Just like when you use butt plugs alone, when you decide to take them into the bedroom there are a couple of things you should do to prepare yourself.
Many people like to take a shower to start with. Make sure to give your butt a good clean to make sure no poop will get on your plug. The heat will also help to relax your muscles, which can make inserting the plug a lot easier.
Before you jump straight into using your plugs during sex, you should sit down and have a chat with your partner about what you plan to do. Laying this out beforehand can relax the two of you, as there will be no unexpected surprises.
You might also want to decide on a “safe word”. This should be a word you aren’t likely to say during sex, and as soon as anyone says it you stop straight away. Having this in place means that either of you can stop the session at any point, particularly if it starts to hurt.
Lastly, enjoying some of your favourite foreplay will help get you in the mood, and ready to insert your butt plugs!
SEX WITH BUTT PLUGS: MEN
Men stand to gain a lot from bringing butt plugs into the bedroom.
If they choose to wear one, obviously they’ll be experiencing extra sexual stimulation. A lot of this comes from the many, many nerve endings in your sphincter and anal muscles.
This isn’t the entire story though, as men have a unique gland that women don’t. It’s called the prostate, and it plays an important role in a man’s orgasms. On top of this, it’s one of the most sensitive parts of a man’s anus.
Stimulating the prostate while having sex can make orgasms much more intense and powerful!
Wearing a butt plug can also make a man have much stronger and firmer erections, and much more powerful ejaculation.
SEX WITH BUTT PLUGS: WOMEN
Benefits aren’t only found when men wear a butt plug during sex. It can also be intensely pleasurable when their female partners wear one too!
For women much of the physical stimulation comes simply from the nerve ending found within the anus. Many women find this more than enough to reach orgasm, and some actually prefer it!
It’s not all about the anus though, as wearing a butt plug can change the stimulation you feel within your vagina. It’s often believed that the deeper parts of the clitoris are stimulated through anal stimulation. Being able to simulate both the external and internal clitoral parts can massively intensify your orgasms!
Wearing a butt plug can also make your vagina feel much tighter, as it presses on the rear wall of the vagina. This can improve sex for both women and men, as a tighter feeling vagina often just makes sex feel better!
ORAL SEX WITH BUTT PLUGS
If you’re not ready to take the plunge with full sex while plugged, you can warm yourself up by practising with oral sex. Any kind of oral sex you normally perform can still be done while wearing a plug, and will often feel much more intense as described above.
The real benefit from using butt plugs during oral sex is that you don’t need to move around as much. For beginner’s who aren’t used to wearing butt plugs, or people who struggle to hold them in while they move around, this is a godsend.
Simply sit back, let your partner pleasure you, and enjoy the intense pleasure that awaits!
BEST BUTT PLUGS FOR DIFFERENT SEX POSITIONS
Once you’ve got past the initial stages and got used to the feelings involved, you’re probably going to want to experiment. So which positions are perfect to try while wearing a butt plug?
DOGGY STYLE
A perennial favourite, doggy style is still a great choice while plugged. For the person receiving, every thrust will bump against the base of the plug, pushing it further into your body and making the entire experience much more enjoyable!
If you’re the one doing the humping, you’ll constantly need to hold the plug in place. Gravity will be working against you. Engaging your muscles in this way often leads to very intense erections and orgasms, as these are the same muscles involved in those processes.
For doggy style, we like to use glass butt plugs. As you’ll be entering from behind, a glass plug will let you see your partner’s butt being stretched by the plug. The extra weight of the plug will also make each thrust that much more intense!
LAZY DOGGY STYLE
Just like regular doggy style, lazy doggy style involves being penetrated from behind. Rather than propping themselves up on all fours though, the person receiving lies down flat on their stomach. Their partner then straddles them, and enters from behind.
Lazy doggy style gives you the same thumping feeling everytime the plug is thrust deeper into your body, but takes away some of the pressure of holding in your plug.
When trying lazy doggy style a set of anal beads is a perfect match. Gently pulling them out and pushing them back in while you thrust in and out can add a whole world of extra stimulation while keeping everything nice and laid back.
COWGIRL
Cowgirl is a favourite for many couples, not only letting the woman take control over the rhythm and pace of the encounter, but also giving you many different angles for stimulation. Similar to doggy style, the woman riding on top will feel the plug thumping into their body each time they thrust down onto their partners penis!
Our butt plug of choice for cowgirl is a vibrating one. As you ride up and down on your partner, he’ll be able to feel the vibrations coming into contact with his penis before disappearing again. He’ll be desperate to reach orgasm as the vibrations tease him over and over, while you get to enjoy it the entire time you ride him.
REVERSE COWGIRL
If you’re a woman who likes to be in a bit more control over your sexual encounters, you might want to try out reverse cowgirl. Just like our previous positions, this one still gives the receiver the same thumping feeling as the butt plug base bumps against their partners pelvis. However this time, the woman is in control!
Often this can be a great position to try out if you both plan to wear a plug at the same time, as many men find them a little uncomfortable and strange. In this position, they can simply lie down and enjoy the sensations, while the woman does much of the movement and thrusting!
As you’ll be able to see your partner’s butt while they ride you, why not try a jeweled butt plug? You can appreciate the beauty and colorful nature of this kind of plug while you watch them bounce up and down on top of you!
CHAIR SEX
While you don’t often find sex positions that are specifically recommended for butt plug use, chair sex is one that we see mentioned a lot.
In most positions, the thrusting motion tends to push the woman’s butt plug deeper into their body. With chair sex, this is reversed. Every time the woman thrusts down onto the man’s penis, his plug gets pushed deeper into his butt.
Each thrust lets the plug brush and rub against his prostate, which can send him wild with pleasure!
Take it even further by giving him a prostate massager to wear while you ride him. Thanks to their curved design, each thrust is guaranteed to hit his prostate and give him an orgasm like no other!
STANDING SEX
Another option if you’re looking for something a little more out of the ordinary is having sex while standing up. You’ll need some good upper body strength to hold your partner up in the air, or find a good wall to push her against.
Adding a butt plug to the equation can make things even more interesting, as you’ll be working against gravity to hold it in place. While having sex you’ll be constantly clenching your anal muscles to keep it in, making everything else you feel much more intense!
We recommend using a silicone butt plug for sex standing up. They are typically easier to hold inside your body, letting you concentrate more on having sex than keeping your plug in place.
ORAL SEX
Just because you’re using a sex toy, that doesn’t mean you have to be doing full penetration! Butt plugs can also be great during oral sex too.
Our favourite option for a butt plug during oral sex is a tail plug. These have long, luxurious tails which you can manipulate with your free hands to stroke and tease your partner the entire time!
PLAIN OLD MISSIONARY
Of course, what round up of good sex positions would be complete without the classic. There’s a reason that this is one of the most prolific sex positions!
Unlike our other recommendations, in missionary the plugs won’t be affected by your movement. Instead they’ll simply sit and gently stimulate your anal nerves as you have sex.
While the feelings from this position might not be as intense as some others, it’s a great choice if you’re new to butt plugs, or don’t like the feeling of having something thrusting around in your butt.
To make things even hotter, why not try a simple bondage kit? You can tie your partner up and have complete control over them. Once they’re unable to move, you’ll be free to choose whichever butt plug you want them to wear, and they won’t be able to do anything to stop you!
OTHER WAYS TO ENJOY BUTT PLUGS DURING SEX
Although positions are naturally the first thought most of us have when it comes to spicing up our sex lives, they aren’t the only option!
There are many other things you can do to change the way sex feels while wearing a butt plug...
TEMPERATURE PLAY
Temperature play is something you can explore in a lot of different ways in the bedroom. Some of the most popular are using candle wax, and ice cubes.
You can also explore temperature play with butt plugs! Either warming them up, or cooling them down can completely change the way it feels to wear them, leading to some unforgettable sexual encounters!
WARMING UP BUTT PLUGS
To warm up one of your butt plugs, there’s a very simple method. Just place your plug in a bowl of warm or hot water for a few minutes.
You’ll notice we said “warm or hot”. You should never use boiling water when heating up your plug. Our bodies are very sensitive to temperature changes, and the anal muscles are some of the most sensitive in your body.
If you raise the temperature of a butt plug anywhere close to the temperature of boiling water, it’s almost certainly going to burn your insides!
Instead, you should gradually warm the plug, regularly picking it up and seeing how it feels. If it still feels cold, warm the water a little more and try again. While it might take a few sessions to find the ideal temperature you enjoy, it’s much better than burning yourself.
Sometimes you’ll see people say that you should microwave your plug to warm it up. This is something we always recommend against! Not only do microwaves reach high temperatures very quickly (making it more likely you will burn your anus), but they can also melt your plugs!
Before heating any butt plug, consult any instructions that came with them, and make sure they are suitable for heating. Some can’t withstand high temperatures, so even if you gradually heat them in warm water, they could still warp and melt.
COOLING DOWN BUTT PLUGS
Just like warming butt plugs up, cooling them down is a very simple process.
One simple way is to put some ice cubes in a bowl of water, and place your butt plug inside. Using water will stop the plug from getting too cold too fast, and you can always add more ice to bring the temperature down further if you want.
Bowls of melting ice can get a little messy though, so if you’re looking for something even easier then you can simply place your plug in the fridge! The bottom shelves are usually cooler, so choose those over higher up ones. Just be sure that your housemates know what you’re doing, or hide your plug inside something else to make sure no-one gets any nasty surprises!
Having mentioned the fridge, you might wonder if putting a plug in your freezer is a good idea. Generally we advise against this, as freezers reach much lower temperatures than refrigerators.
You would need to constantly be opening and closing your freezer to see what temperature the plug is at, and if it gets too low it could even cause freezer burns when you insert it!
Again, we advise that you make sure your plug is suitable to be cooled, and that doing so isn’t going to cause any damage.
TRY A BLINDFOLD
If temperature play doesn’t sound like your kind of thing, you could try blindfolds. The mystery of not being able to see what’s going on can be incredibly hot, and butt plugs are the perfect toy to amplify this.
Choose a vibrating butt plug, insert it, then hand the controls to your partner. You won’t be able to see what they’re doing, so every time they turn it on you’ll be surprised by the pleasurable sensation!
ROLEPLAY - PETPLAY, ANIMAL ROLEPLAY, AND BDSM
The final way you can incorporate butt plugs into the bedroom is through roleplay.
Roleplay can take a number of different forms, from submissive/dominant relationships, to full BDSM scenes, to animal roleplay and petplay. Luckily butt plugs are ideal for all of these.
In both sub/dom and BDSM relationships, it’s not uncommon for the dominant partner to “make” their submissive wear a butt plug. Often this is a sign of ownership between the two partners, so even when apart the submissive is reminded of their partner by their plug.
Some like to take this further, using the butt plug as an insurance policy. While apart from each other, the submissive must remain plugged at all times. This stops them from enjoying any sexual activity with another partner.
You could even incorporate electroshock and vibrating butt plugs to begin exploring some of the pain dynamics commonly found in BDSM relationships!
Petplay and animal roleplay are where butt plugs really start to shine though. Tail butt plugs are made to copy all kinds of animals, such as foxes, wolves, cats, dogs and even horses! Wearing a plug, ears, and even a collar can really start to get you into the mindset of the animal you choose.
They also change the way you look, which can help to turn many people on much more than normal! After all, many of us have fantasised about anthropomorphised animals seen in tv shows or cartoons!
DON’T FORGET YOUR IMAGINATION!
While these are some of the most common ways to incorporate butt plugs into your sex life, we haven’t covered everything. We’ve barely scratched the surface!
Just like any kind of sex, it’s important to explore and find out what you enjoy. Don’t be afraid to experiment! You never know, you might find a position that gives you the best sex you’ve ever had!
It’s a ball, that’s used as a gag. What else could you possibly need to know. We’ve all seen ball gags used in movies, shows, and most importantly, porn. It’s a bondage equipment used for a very specific type of sex. If you’re wondering what ball gags actually do, well, apart from keeping your partner silent, absolutely nothing. The toy itself is practically useless, however, it can add a lot of kink to your sessions.
Well, if it’s not obvious already, gags are used for BDSM. The gag restricts your mouth, you can’t speak, you can’t even yell which adds a certain amount of helplessness to the whole scenario. It’s humiliating for your partner to be in this state. This is something that absolutely nothing in BDSM can replace. This is precisely why ball gags are perfect for a couple that are already into bondage play and want to kick things up a notch. Plus, on top of it all, the right ball gag can look pretty badass too.
Ball gags themselves are a type of gags so there’s not much to say in the category department. However, if you were to categorize ball gags into types, you’d come up with the following three.
Breathable ball gags are pretty similar to regular ones except the fact that they have tiny holes in them. We’d recommend this to a lot of novices like yourself since they make breathing a much easier task. Don’t worry, the holes don’t take anything away from the experience. You’re still restricted in the same way as a regular gag. You still won’t be able to talk or anything, the only difference is you won’t need a timeout every few minutes due to lack of breath.
O gags are a little bit different from the ordinary ones because they’re literally like a cock ring attached to a leather strap. The O goes inside your partner’s mouth and doesn’t totally restrict their tongue. Yes, it keeps them from talking, but not from screaming. Apart from that, the O Gag does make room for some pretty kinky blowjobs if you’re into that sort of stuff. O gags come in a variety of different sizes, so do experiment around a bit to see what works best.
This is where things get slightly more interesting. Dildo ball gags are 50% like the good ol’ gags and 50% like a dildo. One end going into the mouth in a round gag, just like you’d expect. But, the other end has a dildo on it. The things you can do with a dildo ball gag are pretty ‘intriguing’, but it does add a lot to your BDSM sessions. It’s just one of those, ‘your imagination is what limits you’ type of deal with dildo ball gags.
If you’ve already made up your mind and want to buy a ball gag, then we’re going to help you pick the best one for you. Here are some of the things that separate a good ball gag from a great one.
We’ve said a couple times before, ball gags are available in a lot of shapes and sizes. Generally, picking up any one could work, however, if you’re truly looking to find the best one for you, make sure you pick something that’s suited to a person of your experience. There’s three possible conditions.
For Novices: If you consider yourself a true beginner who has almost no experience using ball gags, then you should stick to smaller balls. When it comes to material, stick to something soft and breathable like silicone to avoid discomfort.
For Intermediates: You’re now used to putting gags in your mouth and can now start using bigger gags. If that isn’t enough to satisfy your need for submission, you can also move on over to harder materials like metal or plastic.
For the Pros: If you truly consider yourself to be as comfortable with ball gags as you can possibly be, it’s time to move on over to the big guns. Get your wallet and start finding the biggest leather ring you can find. More importantly, get gags that are locked with a buckle for extra helplessness.
Judging by the fact that we named several different materials, you can expect that ball gags are made using a ton of different materials. Choosing the right one is crucial, because otherwise, you’re wasting a ton of money on something that’s not even worth it. First think you need to decide is whether you’re going to be sharing the gag or if it is just going to be used by one person. If it’s going to be shared, go for something non-porous like silicone. Leather and plastic gags are porous and no matter how much you clean them, they’ll still have bacteria remaining something deep inside. Sharing leather and plastic gags puts you at a risk of transmitting STIs. So, if you really want to stay safe, stick to metal and silicone.
You now have a bit more insight on what checkpoints you need to hit to find a decent ball gag. However, if you’re still a bit shady on the details and don’t want to go window shopping on Amazon for several hours, here’s a list of the very best ball gags in the market.
The Bondage Boutique Ball Gag is our pick for one of the best ball gags in the market. And, there’s quite a few reasons for that. Firstly, it’s a decent gag for both beginners and intermediate users. The toy boasts a 2-inch radius ball that’s made of soft, breathable silicone. The gag is extremely comfortable, but at the same time, doesn’t take anything away from the restriction aspect.
The straps are also a one size fits all type of thing. They’re adjustable to the extreme length and the manufacturers clearly state that their gag can fit heads of all sizes. And, judging by the way they gag is built, we don’t say otherwise.
The straps are made of soft nylon web which offers comforts and also a secure restraint. The toy certainly cares about safety as well. So, in case your partner doesn’t feel good and wants out, you don’t have to struggle with the strap to get them out. Just press the clip fastener that instantly releases the gag and frees up your partner.
Let’s turn things up a notch and move away from standard old ball gags to something a bit more spicy. This toy by DOMINIX is an O-ring gag with a diameter of 1.5 inches. The ring is shaped like an O, but from the outside, it looks like lips. So, you can probably guess that it’s so amazing while in use.
The mouthpiece on this toy is made from non-porous silicone and the strap, from vegan-friendly faux leather. You don’t have to worry about any STIs or any animals too if that’s what you’re concerned about. While we’re on the subject of strap, the one on this lip gag works like a belt with 11-holes for fastenings that go from 16 inches to 23.5 inches in size, great for all types and sizes of heads.
The toy does look pretty intimidating and the sort of things that only the pros would dare touch. However, that’s not entirely true. The DOMINIX Lip Gag is sort of a universal thing that can be used by all levels of users alike. It’s mouthpiece is restrictive, but at the same time, non-intrusive. Thus ensuring that the subject stays comfortable even during extensive session. The only sole con we could possibly put our finger on would be the rigidity of the lips. They’re really soft and flexible and having them stiff could do wonders for the toy and make it heaps better.
Worried that you’ll outgrow your current ball gag too quickly and will have to pay for another one just a couple weeks later? Well, Fetish Fantasy’s Ball Gag has you covered. This product comes with a set of three swappable gags each with a different size. The three sizes are 1.5, 1.75 and 2 inches. This toy was made specifically for beginners. It gives you the freedom to start off with something small and slowly move your way up to a more intimidating size and so on. The three balls can be easily interchanged with the help of popper attachments.
The balls are made of plastic. This is one of the downfall of this gag. You can’t really use it with a partner. But, it’s not really a con if we’re being honest. It’s just one of the characteristics of the material the toy uses. But, if you put aside this minor inconvenience, there’s literally nothing wrong with this ball gag.
The strap is made from faux leather that can go from 19-26 inches in length. The strap is locked with a buckle fastening. Between the balls and the strap, the Fetish Fantasy Gag offers the highest level of customization possible with a minor ball gag.
Another benefit to add to the long list of current ones would be the free blindfold that the manufacturers were nice enough to include with the ball gag.
We’ve stuck to the basics far too long. Let’s move on to the third type of ball gags we mentioned above, a dildo gag. And what better toy to exhibit this illustrious category than something with a 5.5 inch dildo attached to it? The Zado is a beast of a gag, let’s see why.
First of all, this toy is far from what a regular user would like to include in their bondage sessions. It’s only something that the hardcore fans of gags would like. It’s actually a double ended dildo with the external one being 5.5 inches in size. While the other one is a much smaller 3 inches. You’re free to put the shorter end in your mouth and the larger end in, well, wherever it fits. The dildos are backed up with chrome stud fastenings. Hence, it doesn’t matter how deep or how fast you’re moving the dildo, it will never detach.
The dildos are made of rubber and natural latex. They may be porous to some extent, but the product is free of phthalates. The strap is also universal. The dildos are attached with metal poppers and anything with poppers can be hooked up to the strap. The strap itself is made of leather with a maximum harness size of 28 inches, so it can definitely fit even the biggest heads out there.
]]>BDSM participants identify themselves in one of three main ways: dominant, submissive, and switch (as oscillating between the first two). It’s important to remember that all of these identities are fluid and continuous, and can change depending on the participants’ mood or partner.
Bondage: A form of restricting a sexual player’s movement, for example, by ropes or handcuffs. This kind of restrainment can increase sexual enjoyment for some, and induce somatosensory (of warmth, coolness, pressure, pain) feelings in different areas of the body.
Discipline: A series of rules and punishments — all agreed upon before a sexual encounter begins — for a (usually) dominant partner to exert control over and dictate the actions of their (usually) submissive partner. The above-mentioned bondage can be a form of, and a vehicle for, discipline.
Dominance: The act of dominating a sexual partner, both in and out of sex. Sometimes, dominants have arrangements with their sexual partner in which they dictate (with the others’ consent) not only their partners’ behavior in bed but also behavior out of it — from food habits to sleep patterns.
Submission: The act of a submissive following their dominant’s actions. They have as much control over deciding what happens to them as their dominant does, even more so, perhaps. Communication between the dominant and submissive is of utmost importance, as that’s where boundaries are set, desires are shared, and permission is given.
Sadism and Masochism, or Sadomasochism: The pleasure that a BDSM participant derives from either inflicting pain (sadism) or receiving pain (masochism); this could also manifest as emotional pain in the form of humiliation. Yes, BDSM can be violent — if the word ‘violent’ is stripped of all negative associations. Called intense sensation play, BDSM can involve hitting, pinching or causing any other physical harm to a sexual partner — but this is all consensual. Consent is the key to a healthy expression of sado-masochism, with an understanding between all partners that the activity could stop at any moment should anybody be uncomfortable with the intensity of play.
Consent — when given in an uncoerced, enthusiastic, clear manner with boundaries outlined — makes a BDSM encounter a safe and inclusive sexual experience for all partners. Consent and boundaries can be outlined in a formal contract, a verbal agreement or a casual conversation. Consent is also not absolute — the desires and comfort of sexual players in BDSM are of the utmost value; if a player is uncomfortable anytime before or during the experience, they can easily revoke the consent, and other players must respect the change of heart. This can be done through previously agreed upon safe words, which when said, signal others to stop.
Limits, or boundaries, also take many forms: soft limits are activities with which a BDSM player is uncomfortable but might be willing to try. Safe words are especially important here. Hard limits, on the other hand, are a complete no-no under all circumstances.
BDSM can take many shapes — it is not only categorized by whips and leather, as seen in most pop culture depictions. The desire for discipline, sadomasochism, dominance or submission is an innate feeling, which can then translate to a variety of actions, be they light spanking or biting, using fuzzy handcuffs, even denying a partner an orgasm. Kink is a state of mind, and BDSM provides a wide spectrum that can accommodate sexual desires of different intensities.
Kink, and the desire to engage in BDSM, can either be an innate desire, much like a child learning they’re queer, or, a kinky person can slowly realize their identity over time. People who don’t necessarily have the kink gene, so to speak, can find BDSM later in life — perhaps to spice up their relationships, or to find excitement in their sexuality.
Trauma itself isn’t a catalyst for a desire to engage in BDSM. However, BDSM can provide an encouraging and safe framework for trauma survivors, who might want to overcome their trauma by enacting it again — this time with control over the outcome. The usual care, respect and communication that members of BDSM communities extend toward each other also make it a safe space for trauma survivors to assert and explore their sexuality.
No, not necessarily. BDSM is an alternative sexuality — that is, it deviates from what society considers the norm. Naturally, BDSM is also accepting of other alternative sexualities, such as polyamory (or consensual non-monogamy). BDSM communities are also welcoming of all queer sexualities. While a conflation or generalization of all alternate sexualities coalescing with each other is not fair — a dom-sub relationship could be monogamous, for instance — there is a definite overlap, as marginalized groups find acceptance with each other.
From detailed, comprehensive conversations before an act of BDSM to delineate boundaries and assert sexual needs, to open and honest communication and care after the act, the ethics of BDSM encompass a safe, respectful environment that can allow for unabashed exploration of sexual identity.
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BDSM is an acronym for a variety of sexual practices that involve bondage, dominance, and submission/sadomasochism. The practice usually involves partners taking on specific roles in which one partner is dominant and the other is submissive. These practices may involve such things as role-playing specific scenes or pain play. While it is often portrayed as deviant or taboo, research has shown that it is a very common fantasy and practice for many individuals and couples.
Some types of BDSM practices include:
· Dominance/submission
· Bondage
· Roleplay
· Wax play
· Impact play/spanking
· Sadism/masochism/pain play
· Humiliation play
· Sensation play/edgeplay
It is important to note that while BDSM practices may involve the use of pain and humiliation or role-playing scenarios characterized by dominance and submission, it also requires the use of safety precautions. In addition to general safe sex practices, BDSM may also include pre-sex negotiations, disclosure, consent, and safewords. A safeword is a predetermined word that a person can use when they reach a point that they need to stop.
BDSM is a term used to describe aspects of sex that involve dominance, submission, and control. The practice typically involves one partner taking on a more dominant role during sex, while the other is more submissive. The acronym BDSM can be divided into these categories:
· Bondage: Restricting a partner’s freedom of movement, for example, with ropes, handcuffs, or other restraints
· Discipline: Agreed upon rules and punishments for a dominant partner to exert control over a submissive partner
· Dominance: The act of showing dominance over a physical partner, either during sex or outside of the bedroom
· Submission: The act of showing submission to the dominant partner's actions and wishes
· Sadism and Masochism (or Sadomasochism): Pleasure that a partner may feel from either inflicting pain (sadism) or receiving pain (masochism), either physical or emotional
While these are the broader categories, there is no one way to practice BDSM — different types can include power play, role-playing, pain play, bondage, wax play, edging, sensory deprivation, or humiliation.
According to a 2016 study, nearly 47% of women and 60% of men have fantasized about dominating someone in a sexual context. The same study found that BDSM sex was slightly more prevalent in couples on the LGBTQ spectrum, but researchers otherwise determined that BDSM sex was practiced across different ages, genders, and ethnic backgrounds.
If you are interested in giving BDSM a try, there are some great ways to get started. There are a number of "light" BDSM practices that can be a good starting point for beginners, including such things as:
· Hair pulling
· Blindfolds
· Light spanking
· Scarf or tie bondage
· Roleplaying
For more intense forms of erotic play, many experts suggest taking a class, reading a book, or watching instructional videos. Some practices can be dangerous and lead to injury without taking proper precautions. And, as previously mentioned, BDSM activities need to be carefully pre-negotiated so that each party understands what will happen.
Recent studies devoted to understanding BDSM and its effects on the body have shown surprising results. Researchers have found that these practices may offer a number of health benefits.
In one study, researchers looked at personality traits, relationship attachment styles, and the general well-being of individuals who engaged in BDSM.1 Contrary to many popular stereotypes, the study found that those who engaged in these sexual practices were actually, on average better adjusted than their non-BDSM practicing counterparts.
Those in the BDSM group:
· Felt more secure in their relationships
· Had an increased sense of well-being
· Were more conscientious toward others
· Were more extroverted
· Were more open to trying new experiences
· Had decreased anxiety
· Were less sensitive to others' perceptions
Research has shown BDSM participants enter an altered level of consciousness similar to the meditative state yoga practitioners experience or the marathoner’s “runner's high.” It is commonly known these activities can benefit health by helping lower our levels of the stress hormone cortisol. Participation in BDSM may have the same effects.
For example, one series of studies found that partners in dominant roles had decreased cortisol levels after a BDSM session.2 Cortisol is known as the "stress hormone" and may be associated with a range of health issues including high blood pressure, suppressed immunity, and insulin resistance
Researchers have also found that some participants regard BDSM as a spiritual experience.3
Researchers have also determined that participating in successful sadomasochistic scenes increases the feeling of connectedness and intimacy with partners.2 While the exact reasons for this are not entirely clear, research has shown that doing novel things with romantic partners, rather than the same routine activities, increases intimacy. Brain scans of married couples revealed that sharing novel activities triggers the brain's reward system and floods it with dopamine and other feel-good chemicals.4
The world of BDSM has its own distinct subcultures and terminology. It can be intimidating for beginners, but there are some tips and tricks that may help you explore.
· Remember that communication is critical. Before you even begin, you need to talk about your interests and boundaries. If you are engaging in something as part of a BDSM scene, it needs to be something that each partner has talked about beforehand.
· Start slowly. Light BDSM practices are a good starting point for figuring out what you like and what you are comfortable with. Role-playing sexy scenes or engaging in dirty talk, for example, can help you explore your fantasies.
· Set the scene. Engage all of your scenes. Mood lighting, scented candles, soft music, and erotic clothing can all help create the right mood for your BDSM play.
· Have a safeword and don't be afraid to use it. BDSM should be fun for everyone involved—so if something isn't working for you or is too much for you to handle, there's no shame in saying so and trying something else.
While BDSM can be fun and safe, it is important to follow safety precautions. Always know how to safely use any clothing, gear, or toys that you want to try. Bondage and pain play, for example, can present the risk of injury if you are not careful or do not use equipment properly.
You may find that taking a class or watching instructional videos can help you learn how to engage in BDSM practices safely.
It is also important to remember that BDSM is not for everyone. Many people fantasize about BDSM-related practices but do not necessarily enjoy actually engaging in those activities. Some people may prefer activities such as reading or watching BDSM scenes without exploring those practices in real life.
Mainstream culture often represents BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, and sadomasochism) as reckless, dangerous, and unhealthy. Take Fifty Shades of Grey, for instance; Christian Grey’s reasons for enjoying kink stem from his childhood abuse. Television crime dramas often portray fetishists as seedy, unethical lawbreakers. It isn't just the media that frames BDSM this way.
Prior to the release of the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders in 2013, participation in fetishism and sadomasochism was actually considered a mental disorder by health professionals. Attitudes about kinky sex have shifted. Pop culture didn’t make kink the latest fad, however. Humans have always had a penchant for adventurous sex.
A 2005 Durex Global Sex Survey found 36% of adults admitted to using some form of bondage during lovemaking. Even back in 1956, a Kinsey Institute Study revealed 50% of men and 55% of women enjoyed erotic biting. We may not be having kinky sex much more than we always have, but we’re certainly talking about it more.
If you’re interested in trying BDSM sex, there are some “light” BDSM practices that may be a good starting point for beginners. These can include:
· Hair pulling
· Handcuffs
· Scarf or tie bondage
· Blindfolds
· Light spanking
· Role-playing
Most importantly, communicate with your partner about your desires. BDSM includes a wide range of sexual activities and dynamics, and each person will approach BDSM sex differently. Be honest with your partner about what you’re looking for and what you’re comfortable with.